How fitting it is that Beyonce Knowles' hit single "Upgrade U" has enthralled America just as the nation may need to "upgrade" their cp"u"s in the face of a new computer virus robot.
Many personal computers like this one are at risk.The program, called Botnets, is digital - and therefore completely undetectable. It could even be in your home right now, waiting for your unsuspecting children to use the computer. It does not discern between the innocent and guilty, for it is a heartless machine that sees all humans as binary code 1's (alive) that it must turn to 0's (dead).
Botnets affect your processor by using the internet's various protocols. Once inside, they control many things in the processor cores such as the system calculator and notepad.exe. By manipulating these programs, the Botnets learn everything there is to know about the system, including your passwords and favorite mp3 files.
From there, it's a simple matter of e-mailing this information back to the main Botnet. Once this happens, your computer is infected and becomes a "zombie" that is used to relay hacker codes across the globe on the world wide web, potentially racking up huge long distance charges on your phone bill.
Is this the first time you've heard of Botnets? Don't worry, these malicious computer diseases have managed to catch leading security experts off-guard.
When we told the FBI's Senior Computer Security Analyst Jacob Andweyer that Botnets can use your computer's netcam to determine when you're not in the room so they can safely move about the screen, his reply was, "What? That's not possible."
And that's why it works. Netbots are doing everything that security experts don't expect. It's only a matter of time.
How can you tell if your computer has been compromised? Keep an eye out for any of the following:
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.