Etheric Warriors, submitted by R-Lo.

A hyper-paranoid orgone advocate runs a forum in which he posts nearly every thread and they're all about egocentric conspiracy theories. Dan Croft and his possibly imaginary wife Carol travel the world doing something they refer to as "gifting." Basically they travel around pretending to do stuff with their psychic powers and then get in trouble with law enforcement.

Whenever anything bad happens in Don's life it is either attributed to a "HAARPICANE" or "sewer rats". A HAARPICANE is a hurricane caused by government weather control and the sewer rats are, from what I can gather, government psychics who are bent on destroying Don by mildly annoying people around him.

Please send him boosts when you think of him because this courageous fellow is under constant attack by the sewer rats, who really, really hate Etheric Warriors right now. They're hitting him from several directions, including harming his loved ones and causing him physical pain.

The day, last November, that he agreed to administer EW he was fired from his corporate job of 22 years and he's refused to take any money for doing this valuable work for us all.

Carol and I will go to work for him tonight but any energy you can throw his way will help relieve his situation, of course. EW's host in Montreal, JP, is also getting hit and had to move us to another server, which Jacques says accounts for our not being able to access the archives. They're working on that but Jacques is just overwhelmed by the sewer rats right now.

Don also thinks that the Feds, in league with the Chinese, have made a number of attempts on his life. They have, of course, been repelled by his psychic might.

Another Federal Murder Plot Against the Crofts in the Offing?

A local evidence that supports the psychic's impression is that since the last murder attempt against CArol, in April, aggressive surveilance around us has pretty much disappeared. Part of that is on account of the culprits licking their wounds after we all chased these two-legged federal and Chinese military rats down and punished them in the following chat session but normally they're back in our faces after a month or so, which leads me to believe that they want us to have a false sense of security right now.

My guess? Don and his Realdoll wife were screaming at their asian neighbors, who called the cops on him once. Be sure to check out the "The Adventure of Don & Carol Croft," a 90-episode epic of bullshit.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful