God Said Man Said

God Said Man Said, submitted by am_radio. Because I'm all wrong inside, sometimes I listen to AM radio in order to laugh at idiots. My local station's (570 WKBN) morning show is sponsored by God Said Man Said, whose commercial breaks go like this:

Thunder and synthesizer noises
Is there life on other planets? GOD SAID MAN SAID DOT COM

So I went there to find out the important answers of life, not from LIEberal doctors and scientists, but from the man upstairs. For instance, why are black people so gosh darn black all the time? All the time! Well, God Said Man Said answers such questions, and finds instances in history where man was wrong, and God was always right - even if man changed his mind and got less dumb! But they also clarify simple facts that we may take for granted. For example, here's their stance about the age of the earth:

Being that credible recorded history, which is proof of the past, does not exceed 6,000 years, it is impossible to prove the earth older than 6,000 years. Credible witnesses cannot be produced because there aren't any. Pseudo-sicence consistently throws up straw-men arguments speaking of billions of years of time which are regularly discredited by sound science.

So I guess if something happens and it isn't written down by witnesses, it couldn't possibly have happened. It's a good thing that you folks are reading this now, because I now have witnesses to the fact that the people of God Said Man Said are a bunch of douche bags.

Special goon thanks to SA forum goons Microwave and Pass the Slabs, who provided the great art for today's article.

– Bob "BobServo" Mackey