Dirty Texts!

Mobutu Sese Seku wrote the intro box; Nikki Burch did the lovely illustrations; FYAD came up with the dirty texts for u.

If you like to fuck (and I mean really like to fuck, not some kind of day-tripping weekend-fuck dilettante pose), then you'll want to peep these FYAD-penned mini-missives about how to get your coital counterpart craving whatever your crotch is carrying. I mean, if you're not man enough to write your own sexts .... (This clause was a trap.)

Skylark

i picked up a stapler at work which weighs about as much as your cock and moaned @ cubicle for 2 sec

tans

in the office wasrhoom thinking of U... hope no one walks in or they will catch me with my drippy pussy hoisted under the hand dryer thing

Volte

cant stop thinking of you inside me. the cat died

M-m-m-mummy Remix

baby im layin on the bed right now, just waiting for u to come home. im stretching out as much as possible, im taking up almost the whole bed. there's probably enough room for you, but not, like, contiguously.

Chandelier Stuntin

used the shazam app on my pussy and got hall n oates maneater what do u think it means

Skylark

mm hey babe what are you up 2? i'm wearing just my undies in the kitchen making food for us for tonight ;) i can't stop thinking about your hard cock in your jeans rubbing against my ass while you hold me. do you know if you can reheat popcorn or does that unpop it

M-m-m-mummy Remix

hurry home from work today hon, i've been stretching my pussy flaps since noon and im going to press them on the newspaper so you can read this weeks dilbert off my erogenous zones, its a good one

Skylark

I'm so fucking horny and drunk at work and i got fired

WET BUTT

Watching martin on yuotube and thinking of how i wanna eat u every day like pf changs

Skylark

fuck me. spank me. give me all of yourself. tell me, over and over, that there was never a monster under my bed, not when i was little and not now, that my big bully brother was wrong. i'm your little bitch and i will do what you want, i need you to keep remindimg me the monster isn't a problem that's real, that it wasn't, it won't be. spit on me. call me at work and say to me i'm your pretty little cocksucking whore who you can't wait to have your way with when she gets home, that i shouldn't be afraid. that even if something did live under my bed, why would it follow me to work?