Parallel Paraplegic

Not Genocide.

  • overpopulation
  • nothing to keep the riff raff in check
  • apparently there is nothing in your life that actually brings you joy, only an absence of things that bring you misery. this is perhaps a fate worse than death.

circ dick soleil


  • tried to kill all the jews
  • killed a lot of jews
  • failed to kill all the jews. don't get me wrong im glad he failed, but its still a failure.

Toad on a Hat

Hitler's death

  • no more of hitlers art
  • his dog was probably pretty sad
  • we did not get a chance to bring him to justice in court

Flagrant Abuse

Saying the name "Pol Pot." Not the person, just saying his name.

  • say it three times in the mirror and he'll appear in the room and chop your dick off
  • a lot of people will respond with "who?" which is so fucking depressing
  • why are you just saying people's names? get a fucking life

corn in the bible


  • lineup for the water fountain is too long
  • pretty much ended up with segregated schools anyway, except you dont even have to pretend theyre equal anymore
  • having people sit in the bus in color-coded blocks pleases me, aesthetically

Flagrant Abuse

putting ketchup on everything

  • american as fuck (yes that is terrible)
  • you are Literally A Child
  • there is an almost infinite variety of flavour combinations, or at least so many that even if you ate something new 10 times per day you wouldn't even scratch the surface before you die, and you have decided that this ONE flavour belongs on everything you eat. fucking pathetic.

Flagrant Abuse

these things

(without ketchup)

  • more mass-produced crap created by fuck you executives in a suck my dick boardroom
  • will never taste as good as it makes you think it will
  • will leave you feeling empty inside, despite your fat fucking guts



  • are the biggest things in the sea yet eat the smallest things in the sea. fucking retarded
  • fucking mammals that live in water. idgi. just seems like a lot of work for nothing.
  • tempt us with their sweet sweet oil and blubber then get all mad when we harpoon them to death for it


My enormous penis

  • im sure girls love the discomfort and occasional vaginal tearing you inflict upon them.
  • by some fluke of genetics, one of your organs is slightly larger than average. bra-fucking-vo. you're a wonderful person.
  • regardless of length of girth, you are doomed to a future of erectile dysfunction, and a threadbare libido. it will be nothing but a large and wrinkly albatross around your neck.


3-point lists of why the things I find joy in are terrible.

  • list style content is so fucking lazy and stupid. lowest-common denominator internet
  • if it works, its depressing
  • if it doesnt, its just pathetic

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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