The Amazing World of Counterstrike

Gameplay Tips

People still actually play this game.

Never buy a good weapon. The AW/M sniper rifle, automatic shotgun, MP5 sub machinegun, and any weapons capable of penetrating skin are shunned by all the skilled Counterstrike players. Attacking your enemy from a distance is cheap, attacking your enemy from behind is cheap, and aiming bullets towards an enemy's head will elicit a collective gasp of horror from the entire CS community and their immediate families. The only way to avoid offending the other players is tossing your starting pistol and charging directly at the enemy with a knife, out in the open, without strafing. Of course, you have to announce your presence to the enemy and attack directly from the front while crouching and spinning around in circles, otherwise it's just cheap.

Never accept the fact that you died. Every death should be accompanied by 'WTF' or 'BS'. This lets the other players know that you are not happy about dying, which will dispel their previous notion that you suddenly renounced your evil terrorist religion and raced out into the line of fire to embrace your new counter-terrorist brothers. Always keep in mind that the game hates you specifically, and that it is completely unrealistic that 7 .50-caliber slugs to the head will kill you or have any effect beyond a slight ringing in your left ear.

Always remember that you HATE Counterstrike. Every time something doesn't go your way, be sure to inform everybody that you hate it with creative phrases like "I hate CS", "Fuck CS" or "I fucking hate CS". But never actually stop playing the game, simply continue to comment on how the game you've been playing for the last four hours sucks because they weakened your favorite rifle.

When joining a server, be sure to pick an intimidating name. Having a name like {SuP4hl33tk1LLa}CaP-a-CoP will scare everybody else into dropping their guns and running away when they see you approaching. Under no circumstances should you use any kind of correct spelling in your name, since doing this would imply that you spent some time learning to speak English instead of playing Counterstrike. You weirdo.