Okay, we've got all the stats so now it's time to pick a race and a class. The three races are human, half-orc and dwarf. I picked human, but whatever works for you.

The two classes we have to choose from are barbarian and fighter. Barbarians are like Vikings or Conans and fighters are like samurais and knights and that sort of thing. Samurais are awesome, but I've always considered myself way more of a Conan, so let's go with barbarian here. Go ahead and figure out all of your skills and saving throws and whatnot. That's not so important here. Just keep in mind that barbarians should be focused on hitting things with swords and axes.

With that out of the way you really need to start thinking about what your guy is all about. We don't need to get into his character background just yet, but you need to think about the basics. First of all, what about a name? I like to think up a name that is like sort of like a monster you might see in some cool videogame combined with like a really cool Jedi or something. A great warrior. But you want to be original because you know someone is going to be lame and have like Neo or Garfield as their character name or, even worse, be like Keith who always has his characters named Keith for their first name. It is so gay (no offense to gays) and I always make fun of him for it.

For this character I named him Chocoba C'baoth.

Here are some sweet names for a barbarian if you can't think of any.

  • Ripple Guthammer
  • Mertoid Yaddle
  • Brent Festoon
  • Aaron Anchors
  • The Stabbing Diet
  • Vincent Chewbacca
  • Darth Conans

If you're doing a barbarian you can also have a really short one-word name that just sounds strong like "Jort" or "Breef". Barbarians aren't that talkative usually, although mine can be if I get enough Pepsi in me!

Alright, so a name is an important start, but now what does Chocoba C'baoth look like in general? Well, he is a super-strong barbarian so he is huge and he has a high charisma so he is handsome.

What is his alignment? Chaotic neutral; the best alignment ever. It lets you kind of be the good guy, but you're also unpredictable. Maybe you'll just stab your friend in the face and get really mad at any moment. He's dangerous.

What sort of religion does he have? His only religion is war.

Is he a dude? Of course.

How tall is he? A giant among men! Like seven feet and some change. Which means he's really heavy too, like 450 pounds.

More Guides

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful