The No Bullshit Steps to Total Contentment

We spend our lives chasing contentment without any real idea of how to achieve it. We can follow religions, we can spend fortunes, read books, and wind up no closer to our goal. No more empty platitudes. Finally, there is a foolproof plan to achieving total contentment in your life.

Fewer electronics. Fewer services and frills. These things we believe are giving us our happiness are actually impeding it. Give yourself the basics and you'll find the basics - what sustains you - is all you really need.

Once you strips away all of the distractions of our modern era, you will find it easier to focus on the love of friends, family and even coworkers. That love is the meaning of everything we seek to attain here on earth. Finding and reciprocating love brings us one step closer to happiness.

The hardware store or stores like Target or WalMart should stock a wide variety of metallic spray paints. You will find that on your path towards contentment an exterior paint works better than an interior paint. If you can get an all-in-one paint (doesn't need primer) then you have taken another big step towards achieving that happiness you seek.

One of the mistakes people make when they are on their journey towards serenity is that they assume any paper bag will do. The problem, journeyers find, is that many paper bags are thin and become saturated with spraypaint. The last thing you want is a bag that has soaked through and ripped. Similarly, you should always be in harmony with nature and your body needs the nourishment of at least a little air. No plastic bags.

Having a place of your own is just as important as surrounding yourself with the right people. You need to find a place away from prying eyes and the intrusions of the modern world. Try something that blends well within your own ideals of peace. It could be a late night picnic enclosure, the loading area behind a mall, an abandoned house, or your sleeping friend's unfinished basement. Wherever you find your spot, make sure you will not be bothered.

Inhaling massive amounts of the chemicals in metallic spray paint very closely mirror the endorphins released by our body during moments of happiness. You will begin to feel euphoric and lightheaded. This is normal as your body transcends the problems of this too-complex world in which we find ourselves and reaches a higher plateau of peace. Repeat this process as necessary.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)