Lowtax Interview

Today's episode: Kitty and that other kid learn a valuable lesson about the Police and their reign of terror! Next time you see a "boy in blue", perhaps Kitty's teachings will remind you to never blindly trust them! The Policeman is in fact NOT your friend - he is a fascist, cruel, oppressive dictator who violates your rights every chance he gets!

Indeed, the addition of the tunnel (or "Bot Butthole Alley, as I like to call it) seems to be nothing more than an attempt to deny the fact that the author has essentially designed an inferior DOOM style level with annoying fog and a jump pad. One falls down through a square unadorned hole in the middle of the maze and falls straight down into a murky underlit passage whose texture I cannot dare to guess at ... one proceeds down the passage and steps onto a jump pad that hurls you up any number of times until you maneuver yourself to land on one of the catwalks stuck in the wall overlooking the maze.

This game is, in fact, about a boy and his blob. I’m just clearing that up so you don’t mistake the title for a clever metaphor and play this game thinking you’ll receive something more entertaining than watching your wounds scab up. You control your "blob" via two means: whistling and jelly beans (I would once again like to remind you that this should in fact, be taken literally, and that I am not fabricating any part of this plot summary). You start off in some desolate unnamed city with no real purpose. You then run around with your blob and… well... I’m not sure what they intended for your to do. Once I managed to get some gold, but it just made my score 1000 instead of zero. A disappointment to say the least, as I could find no other object or person in the entire level. However, after playing the game for a while, I began to slowly realize that the object of the game is to get frustrated to the point that you smash your controller and write a personal letter to Mr. David Crane, telling him what an enormous piece of monkey shit he is for making this game.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)