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BET Founder Criticizes Obama Administration's Ass Clap Policy

Bob Johnson, founder of Black Entertainment Television and frequent critic of the Obama Administration, issued a press release Monday criticizing Obama's firm stance against ass clapping.

"A bitch wanna make it clap," explained the mega-millionaire's release.

"[Johnson] was filming hoes giving stank ovations when Obama was doing you know what in Chicago, well I don't even want to say, certainly these things were untoward that he was doing. Until a bitch has a right to once again make that thong say hello I cannot give him my support and I know the community is with me on this."

Johnson later explained that his comment about what Obama was doing in Chicago referred to Obama helping set up a free clinic for women.

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Obamawatch

President Obama Attends Opening of Black Power Christian/Wahhabist Church

President Obama held a press conference on the steps of Our Lady of the Fatwah Church in Chicago today to celebrate the opening of America's first fusion house of anti-American worship.

"This is an important step in healing the divide between extremist black Christian leaders and Jihadi terrorists," Obama told reporters. "I think all of America should be inspired by this church's unified message of 'death to us.'"

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Chris Matthews "Recovering Well" from Stroke, May Return to MSNBC's Hardball

After years of grueling speech therapy for Chris Matthews, the former host of MSNBC's political panel show Hardball announced that he may be ready to return to the desk. Matthews suffered a massive stroke on-air in November of 2008 coinciding almost exactly with MSNBC calling the election for Barack Obama.

"My Baby Lord God in Heaven," Matthews said just before suffering the stroke. "That man is the alpha and the omega, the Delivering Angel of Malachar, the flax-haired waaaaaurk!!!"

Matthews collapsed mid-sentence behind his desk from a massive stroke and the road to recovery has not been easy for him.

"I thpit leth every day," he told reporters. "Thould be back thoon."

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