THE GURF MANIFESTO

FUCKING BUTTHOLE WORMS!!! Welcome to the GURF maniFISTO. YOU are unworthy to lick the shits that fall from our global butthole! WE ARE GURF! The ultimate SPERMECUTIONERS of NIGHTMARES. We are here to bring the ROTTEN TRUTH of the DE-GAY of SOCIETY!

I AM COMMANDER FESTUS DICKPUKE. At my TURDY right hand is MAELWAENA the CUNTASTROPHE QUEEN and at my DICKY left hand is BOLTFUCK THE CUMULENT and his ENSLAVED HATE RAPER the fabulous COON HITLER. On the drums, made from the tanned buttholes of SPERMY WHALES, is DONG-7: THE HOODED MOLESTOR.

This is our MANIFISTO!!!!

*fake blood shoots out of a giant foam wiener*

STEP ONE: SHIT IN THE NECK HOLE

*double bass drums*

NECK HOLE

NECK HOLE

NEAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK HOLLLLLLLLLLLEEE

STEP TWO: CUM. IN. HER. SOCKET.

CUMINHERSOCKET

CUM. IN. HER. SOCKET.

CUMINHERSOOOOOOOOOOCKET

THAT WAS GLASSEYE FROM OUR LAST ALBUM FETAL DICKPUMP YOU WHORESPAWNS! YOU KNOW WHEN WE PLAYED CLEVELAND THEY WERE A BUNCH OF WEAKLING GAY TURDS!

*fire shoots out of foam asses*

THEY COULDN'T HANDLE...

THE CRUCIDICKS!

*crucifix made out of fake dicks comes down*

WHO WILL ACCEPT OUR PUKE GOD AND JOIN US ON THE CRUCIDICKS?!

STEP THREE

FUCK

STEP THREE AND A HALF

A NIGGERDICK

I PUT A DICK IN

FUCK

A NIGGERDICK!

*wailing guitars overload in feedback and sparks shoot out of mutant general Anus K. Buttfister's huge foam tits*

THANK YOU SHITCLODS! THAT WAS FUCK A NIGGERDICK! STEP THREE!

THE CORPSE PARADE OF RAPE AND RECTUMS IS UNENDING BUT OUR BASSIST IS CURRENTLY IN THE HOSPITAL FOR OVERDOSING ON CAFFEINE PILLS! YOU CAN'T FUCK A NIGGERDICK IF YOU ARE DEAD FROM CAFFEINE PILLS SO REMEMBER THAT! ALL OF US IN GURF HOPE THAT JOHN "DUKE BLOODYDICK PEDOFAILURE" STURGEON GETS WELL SOON!

*foam puppy explodes in hog guts*

TIME FOR STEP FOURRRRRRRRRR!

PUPPY CUNT BELLY

PUPPY CUNT BELLY

PUPPY CUNT BELLY

PUPPY CUNT BELLY

I LOVE ITS BELLY

MADE IT A CUNT

FUCKED ITS ASS

CAME OUT ITS CUNT

IN ITS GUTS

FUCK

PUPPY CUNT BELLY

LUSTFUL PUPPY EYES

FILL THEM UP WITH SEED

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPE

*fake semen shoots out of codpiece*

Okay, whoever just threw that bottle is out of here!

I'm serious. Vince, get that guy in the back. The one in the Morbid Angel t-shirt.

OKAYYYYYYYY!

STEP FIVEEEEEEE!

DIARRHEA ON THE CHURCH

SPERMY SHIT DROP ON THE POPE

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKK

*guy in turd/pope costume bursts out of church-shaped cake*

AND DIARRHEA ON THE CHURCH

THAT SONG WAS DOCTOR HITLERFISTER'S CHURCH MACHINE

FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

NEXT UP WE ARE GOING TO PLAY A SONG...

*acoustic guitar strums*

...IT'S VERY SPECIAL TO US...

*hippie walks out tuning acoustic guitar*

...IT'S A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT...

*hippie gives the peace sign and smiles*

...IT'S CALLED...

*hippie's arms explode off his shoulders and fly over the audience on a wire shooting blood out*

ARMLESS HIPPIE TITTY RAPER

OHHHHHHHHHHHHOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

TITTY

TITTY

CUT THEM OFF

TAKE HER ARMS

CUT THEM OFF

RAPE HER TIT HOLES WITH HER ARMS

RAPE HER TIT HOLES WITH HER ARMS

RAPE HER TIT HOLES WITH HER ARMS

*blood shoots out of giant nipples*

THAT WAS ARMLESS HIPPIE TITTY RAPER! WHAT ARE WE ON? STEP SIX?

MAYBE WE CAN ASK...

*a shadow moves over the audience*

...OUR CUNTMANDER IN CHEAP...

*white liquid starts raining down on the audience*

...GORGE FUCK-A-YOU PUSSYBUSH!!!!!

*a spotlight illuminates the shadow, a giant foam George W. Bush swinging over the audience and spraying fake semen out of a foam penis*

LOOK AT THAT CHIMP GO!

STEP TEN! TEXAS COCKSAUCE BLASTACRE!

GEORGE BUSH

DEVIL DICK

GEORGE BUSH

DEVIL DICK

TEXAS RAPIST CHURCHY FUCKER

SPERMING ON THE WORLD

GEORGE BUSH

COCKSAUCE

COCKKKKKKKSAUCE

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN DOWN!

*George W. Bush explodes*

FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! WE. ARE. GURF.

– COMMANDER FESTUS DICKPUKE (@sexyfacts4u)