More than a few kind folks have emailed me saying, "You're a big dick Spokker Jones! You rag on internet forums because it makes you feel big!" To those people I say, no shit! Of course it makes me feel big. It makes me feel pretty good as a matter of fact. Every time I do one of those features I feel better about myself. I think, "At least I'm not this dumb mother fucker begging for a cd-key because he got banned from playing some shitty game." I'm sure there are more than a few readers who are also glad they're not posting on some teen message board asking about how big their dick should be at age thirteen. I've also recieved emails that have read, "You have no life faggot. Yeah you spend all day ragging on the internet. Who's the one with no life?" Again, where's the insult here? I'm the king of having no life! I spend all day playing video games. The government pays me to fart. I've seen every episode of Law and Order in the time span of a month. I have the best non-life there is. Thanks for letting me take the time to reply to the tens of people that email me every week.

In this week's feature we explore the forums, which is just another overturned dining car in the trainwreck that is the internet. Now on with the show!

There's nothing like starting off your crappy internet feature with a pointless debate! "nightear" is a man on a mission.

"Wierd_O" earned his money sucking dick for a living.

I buy a lot of porn. My dedication to the industry should entitle me to have sex with a few adult film stars of my choice.

I can't even begin to fathom how this guy manages to breathe on his own.

See, I wasn't going to buy the game anyway so I should be able to download it with no questions asked!

What an exciting game to play on a sunny unemployed afternoon.

"i_ownz_kirby's" questions are so advanced that Professor Baron von Schnidelbersch has been hard at work figuring out the answers to them for six weeks. You go girl!

Yours is a penis only a mother could love.

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