Mood: Agonizingly uninteresting
Music: Some emo band no one cares about

Dear Journal,

Today I had eggs for breakfast. I really like eggs, especially with cheese. Brian picked me up today and we went clothes shopping. I know he hates it but he's such a nice guy to go with me! What a cutie! I should tell you who I saw there. We saw fat Bethanie. She has gotten reeeeeeeeealllllllllly biiiiig!!! I almost didn't recognize her. OMG don't tell her I said that. SORREEE BETH!! Anyway what else did I do today. After shopping he took me home and I talked on the phone for hours with him later. He is sooooo nice. I love him soooo much and I'm soooo going to marry him someday. Sabrina thinks I'm full of it but she's full of it and I told her so and now she's all mad. Geez girl get it together. Anyway I think Brian and I might "do it" soon. I have let him clumsily finger me and I gave him a sloppy blowjob because he says I'm so pretty but we never "did it". I think prom is going to be the night. Oh well this is getting long why aren't I asleep? LOL.


I imagine the pitch for Live Journal must have gone a little like this.

Guy: Hey Guy 2, I've got this great idea for a website!

Guy 2: Who are you? What are you doing in my room?

Guy: I think we should start up a site where users can write in an online journal that anybody can read!

Guy 2: Are you kidding me? The bandwidth bills would be through the roof!

Guy: But you don't understand! Nobody in their right mind is going to read these things!

Guy 2: BRILLIANT! Start work on the website right away!

Guy: I just got back from the restroom, it's already made!

Look, I understand why someone would write in a journal. I might even keep one if I knew how to read. Live Journal, a service designed to allow users to maintain online journals, is a great concept but there's one problem, no one has ever written anything of interest in an online journal. It has never happened and it never will happen. The only thing that can come from keeping a web blog is drama and idiotic rants. The people who've actually got something to say already have their own web sites that they maintain. Consequently, Live Journal has become the beacon of idiocy for every angsty teenager, whiny bitch, and incredibly boring person who has nothing interesting to say at all. To be perfectly honest the only journal that could hold my attention is the one where the cat walks all over the keyboard.

The following images represent Live Journal accurately and fairly. For more pointless adventures in boring blog land simply use the random journal function of the site and you will embark on the highway to Loserville.

I'd like to drive a nail through your thick skull.

Some advice to all the boys out there: this one is for fucking, not for talking to.

Can you cast a spell to make your journal interesting? I mean really, what is this shit? Do you honestly think you have magic powers? Have you read one too many Harry Potter books? What's the fucking deal here lady. Are you some kind of witch? I think you are. You know what they did to witches in the puritan era? Yeah that's right, they made them do double penetration films for very little money. Do you want that? No? Then stop pretending to cast magic spells on your cat! Damnitt.

I remember going to the Anime Expo with my friend. Let me tell you, that was the most god awful experience of my life. There were these wacko anime nuts dressed up as the stupidest characters you could imagine. The worst part was this seemingly heavy retarded girl dressed up as Sailor Mercury. I rounded a corner and caught a glimpse of this horribly bloated ass, an image of which I have not yet been able to rid myself of. I have tried religion, family, therapy, and community support groups, but nothing has been able to wash away that horrible image from my eyes. Every so often I can see it when I sleep. I cry out for help but no one comes. Please just let me die.

Woah this person is into scat. That's pretty hot.

Why does she cross out words? WE CAN STILL READ THEM DUMMY.


It's the only Live Journal that makes any sense.

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