Divorce Makes Christmas Awesome
Oh, on Christmas morning you woke up, walked downstairs and opened presents while your parents watched? How quaint.
Free Dave Navarro's Hair!
There is only one problem with Dave Navarro’s hair: It is on Dave Navarro.
Dear NHL, Stop Sucking and Play Hockey.
NHL, just to be clear, you’re pretty much responsible for every spouse found dead in a trailer park from now until the Philadelphia Flyers skate again
Cougar911.com or Cougar911.gov
One’s a scam-laced “dating” site that preys on late night stoners and depressed Quizno shift managers. The other is about cats. Which one is right for you?
Tumblr Botnet
Welcome to the Tumblr Botnet Control Center. From here you have access to the millions of drone accounts that blog and reblog daily.
Home Improvement Haiku
Archeologists have recently unearthed several scrolls that use one form of masterful art to describe another.
ATTN: Labor Day is Cancelled
The Administration and Ulga, our Ukrainian high-class escort, understand that many of you had plans that involved families and hotdogs. Unfortunately sacrifices have to be made what with the economy being this bad and stuff.
Bless Your Little Craft Booth
You’ve come to the fair offering crafts. In the August heat with your diabetic socks, you have the insane ability to see the possible worthless knick-knack hidden within everyday garbage. Months spent in your Craft Lair of a basement gluing beads to stuff for this moment. Time for you to monetize third grade art class!
Special NBC Olympic Coverage
NBC approached Olympic coverage like a college freshman approaches midterms. Sloppy, uninterested, and possibly drunk. But they spent a billion dollars for this so you're going to listen to Bob Costas explain a weird dream he had and you're going to like it.
You Call This a Yard Sale?
It’s like I’m wandering through your highly curated collection of thrift store rejections.
Summer Beach Bod Walkthrough & FAQ
Do *not* try to beat summer without reading this guide first! 100% Completion, hidden items! How to level up Tan without getting hurt!
Be the 1% of the Amusement Park
The Fast Pass lets you ditch in line on all the rides. For fifty bucks, it’s the equivalent of owning a private jet and cutting off a Boeing 747 on the runway.
![[Default] Invitation to Graduation](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/0f95f7ad/389a372d/9876a2dd/b2551a43/11893.jpg)
[Default] Invitation to Graduation
For a $20 Gift (no gift certificates) you will receive one of the following Senior Pictures: The Tree Hug, The Relaxed Recline, Serious in Sepia, Hunk Magnet.
Get your Apartment Deposit Back Now!
Your place is trashed and the landlord is on the way. But even if you deserve to lose every cent of your deposit, don’t give up! With these easy tips and a few simple household goods, a gallon of gasoline and the hologram projector used to resurrect Tupac, you’ll be a few hundred dollars richer!
ATTN: All Ice Cream Parlor Staff! Please Read!!!
Time to lower the # of complaints/reports of accidental food poisoning! Please Read ASAP!
Forgotten Hunger Games Deaths
With all the attention Hunger Games has received, it’s time to take a closer look at the lesser known murders in the event’s past.
What to do when Dee Snider eats at your restaurant
Serve him wrong and you'll be carted off to the hospital with nothing to show but a shattered clavicle and a pile of VH1's I Love The 80s Dvds.
I will not trim my Phallic Bush!
You know how I like to garden? Perversely. Inappropriately. Unnecessarily graphic with a dash of grotesque debauchery. I’m the Caligula of horticulture, I’m Better Homes and Gardens’ worst nightmare. Deal with it.
Should You Buy a Pet Snake?
Finally, the answer to the age old question. Wonder no more!
My Favorite Fantasy Frasier Episodes!
The best episodes of Frasier! Ever! Every dream fulfilled here, folks!
Please Attend the Unparalleled Greatness of My Foot Ball Party
This is a foot ball party the way it is supposed to be celebrated. We have season two of Frasier and enough corn chips that you won't even notice my moles ones.
Tamagotchi Humane Society Needs Help
This is Kerotchi and he needs your help. Left beside a cassette of OMC’s hit single “How Bizarre”, he waited for a neglectful owner to never return. For 15 years, Kerotchi was forgotten without [FEED] and forced to [PLAY] where he [TOILET].
Welcome to Your First Apartment: Water Heater
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘man, that sounds just like there’s a rabbit drowning in that water heater.’ But you’re wrong, buddy, I mean, if there were really a rabbit inside your water heater, it would have drowned already or in the very least been boiled alive, right?
