crazy crystal, submitted by me. Is there something in the water that makes people think their dull and pointless lives mean anything to anyone beyond their immediate family? What compels girls to post every meaningless thought they have ever had and put it on a website? Do you really need your headshot up on a website for everyone to see? Can't you just send them to grandma and be done with it? I don't know the answers to any of those questions but I do know that crazy crystal is way too into herself. She has created a giant shrine to herself and somehow keeps a straight face about it. Hell, it's a shrine to vanity itself. It's as if a Live Journal survived a nuclear blast and instead of dying it mutated into some sort of horrible super Live Journal monster. The worst part is her "realizations". You know the sketch on Saturday Night Live when Norm MacDonald used to play Larry King and spout out inane and rambling thoughts? Yeah, this is just like that. She's a computer science nerd with an attitude!
Some fonts put the hangy-down part of the lowercase "G" on the left side. That's sorta weird, isn't it? (2003.02.27)
Ice is obnoxious! (2003.02.25)
I'M ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT HERE FOLKS!
I often get bored of my website and think I should do away with it all and start over. But starting over means starting from scratch, and I just don't have the time or energy to do such things.
She sure is crazy! But what I really wanted to know is what Crystal is looking for in a spouse.
What are you looking for in a spouse? Good listener, good conversationalist, someone who treats me like a princess, someone who wants to hold hands with me, someone that asks me about my day and actually cares to listen, someone that shares their life with me, someone that needs me, great personality, sense of humor, will laugh or cry with me - whatever the situation entails, loveable, huggable, will dance with me, will sing with me, will be silly with me, doesn't do anything illegal, someone with big dreams they're ready to reach for, someone who hopes, someone who aspires to do something, a 'good' boy, someone who is sweet, someone who makes me feel good, someone who knows how to make me smile...
Yeah just you and fifty million other people. You ain't that special, sweetheart. Sure, you may be cute now and every fat smelly computer science nerd slaving away over a hot C++ book wants to get into your pants but in thirty years you're going to look like this:
How many pictures are you going to put up of yourself then?
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.