Hello, Internet Traveler. I hope you find yourself well today. Do not fear our horned guardian. Welcome to Desteni, the Web site for finding enlightenment. Please ignore the credit card logos in the corner of your screen. We reject the notion of money as it is in the world today. Instead, we hope to move toward a system of equality, in which all people can find enlightenment through our system. Do not be afraid, but what you are about to hear will change your life for all eternity (oh, yeah, life is eternal, incidentally). I know you think we are crazy. I know you think you have seen videos of a similar nature on YouTube. I can assure you, dear friend, we are something you have never seen before.

You have come here because you seek the truth. There is no truth. But you will probably find something like it. Observe our videos. We will, using progressively angrier language, tell you about the secrets of consciousness, of the Reptilian gods, of Nostradamus and Jesus. All of these things are real, but their reality is not known to you. Or, what you call reality. We don't believe in reality. It's all very confusing. The videos will help you sort it out.

Have I told you about the dolphins? I will tell you what the dolphins have told me. They are a source of immense love and power in this world, creatures so far beyond our intelligence that we think ourselves greater. We are not. From communicating with the dolphins, I have learned much about energies, frequencies, and many other related words and concepts, including crystals, probably.

I urge you to explore the rest of the site, and in turn explore yourself. If you find yourself puzzled, do not feel disturbed, as this is completely normal. I would encourage you to examine our course selection, and perhaps consider investing in our Introduction to Desteni, a most valuable course. The cost? As I said, we do not agree with the world's conception of money. However, we must continue to live. You find the course too expensive? Well, such is the cost of immediate enlightenment. However, if I could direct your attention to the credit card logos in the corner of your screen, I might point out that if you wish to continue exploring the mysteries of Desteni, you could make a donation to ensure that we will remain on your plane eternally. Thank you.

– Daryl "Fucking" Hall

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful