MaFa (Thanks, peanut!)

At first glance, MaFa (warning: autoplaying audio) looks like one of those ad-ridden illicit-aggregator sites that features hundreds of terrible, copyright-infringing, jacked-from-elsewhere minigames from 2002. Well, take a closer look, and you'll find that it's totally different from those other sites!

As a woman's voice reminds you every time you click on a new page, MaFa offers "the best free girl games online." Specifically, its curators collect bizarre "girl games" that look like some deviant's weirdo fetish porn, with a focus on injured, distressed and/or pregnant Disney princesses/Barbie dolls.

There are a surprising amount of surgery games, because obviously it's fun for kids to see their favorite cartoon characters in pain and peril. Is your daughter's Frozen obsession driving you up the wall? Just show her "Baby Elsa Ambulance," and she'll be so traumatized that the first few bars of "Let It Go" will make her go into convulsions! Other fabulous Frozen games include "Elsa Emergency Birth," "Elsa Ear Surgery," and "Elsa And Jack Wedding Night," wherein Elsa and Jack Frost from the movie Rise of the Guardians get married and then make out in a jacuzzi, just like in my fanfic.

MaFa knows that girls these days aren't only interested in fairy-tale romance and cuddly creatures, which is why they were sure to stock ultra-violent options like "Homer The Flanders Killer 4," a "blood filled shoot em up Simpsons Game" where you brutally kill the whole Flanders clan. Why, Homer, why?

Should you find yourself tripped up by the complex mechanics of, say, "Barbie Throat Doctor," you'll find that a number of these titles include a helpful walkthrough video so you can experience these horrible games without even having to play them. Have fun, gamer girls!

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)