Have you ever wished your Internet experience was more like reading a children's book? No? Too bad. Welcome to the online home of Quirky Cottages, a beach house rental company in Australia determined to infantalize every thought you've ever had!

We've seen a lot of unnecessary animated GIFs in this column, probably more than any people ever should. But, to my knowledge, this is the first site that tries to communicate almost entirely through them. Quirky Cottages decided that every word they could possibly pair with an animated GIF should, in fact, be paired with an animated GIF. Seriously, there are seven of them in one sentence. It's horrendous. I kept trying to click on the GIFs, expecting them to make a noise like in those Sesame Street books I had growing up, but (mercifully) the website is silent.

Intrigued by naughtyfingermoving.gif, I checked out the "Do's and Don't's" section and found out they heavily discourage their guests from drinking excessively while on the island. I found this confusing for two reasons: one, because you're vacationing on a beach and I'm not sure what else you do besides "try fishing for like an hour while drinking a beer and then give up on the fishing part;" and two, this is in Australia. There's also some lady on there who practices "Reiki," which, as I understand it (not at all), basically translates to "interactive Tai Chi."

As an added bonus, it turns out this disaster zone was designed by an actual company, so I assume we will have some more exciting sites to look at over the next few weeks!


– Daryl "Fucking" Hall

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