Are you a record-breaker seeking the company of fellow record-breakers so you can swap stories about your feats, and perhaps form an intense rivalry? Are you fed up with Guinness World Records' monopolization of record-breaker culture and their stupid insistence on "accuracy?" Well, then, The International World Record Breakers' Club (also known as "Rekord-Klub SAXONIA") wants you!
Just take a look at this list of all the amazing world records members of Rekord-Klub SAXONIA have beaten. Here's a small sampling:
Getting your name on that list entitles you to special membership perks, like... getting your name on that list, pretty much. This is the end goal of reciting Shakespeare for 110 straight hours or "endurance typing" for 276 hours or amassing the largest pacifier collection or inventing the world's smallest working scissors -- getting your name on a list that some people might skim so you can feel like you've accomplished something with your life before you die. Well, there's also a newsletter, but "Sorry, it's available only in German language."
"From Fantasy to Reality – The One-Arm Push-up on a Raw Egg – Darryl Learie"
Are all these records making you feel inadequate? Well, you too can become a member of The International World Record Breakers' Club if you just believe in yourself and make up a new inane record category! In this PDF file, prolific record-breaker Darryl Learie will inspire you to follow in his footsteps and become a pioneer in the art of doing push-ups on eggs:
I knew I could get this on the most epic push-up listings of world records on the internet - I had too, that list is the first link to pop on line after one 'Google's' "push-ups" + "world records" (it must be seen by millions?).
I wanted to be, at least the pioneer of a new record category - to push what's possible into reality for all to see. Sure, it will be broken - that's a certainty, but I will have inspired others to push themselves in a stricter criterion than 2 armed, push-ups on 2 eggs.
Hmm, what about... push-ups on three eggs??? Sounds impossible, right? Well, not until you learn impossibility is just an illusion:
What is possible? Man cannot fly with-out the aid of some machine - false. If the conditions are right, say a hurricane or even a tornado, than a man can indeed fly for a time and although very improbable even land safely again when such pressures retire (although probably not a good idea).
Boy howdy, doesn't that just pump you full of inspiration?
The rest of the file is just a long list of dedications, which I'll paraphrase here: Thank you, beloved daughter/lifelong friend/push-up-record peer, for believing in me and supporting my meaningless quest to break the world record for doing one-armed pushups with my hand on a raw egg (seven). I must go forth and tell my inspiring, self-congratulatory tale of overcoming zero adversity to the people!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.
Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful