My penis is like a tandem bicycle. Sure, you can use it by yourself and still have a little fun. You feel a little silly after awhile though, everyone knows it was made for two people.

I forgot to mention that my penis is also like my car as it is unmodded, all stock baby, 100% original. Unlike the majority of the shitty cars in this thread

My Cock is like a Mazda RX-8. Lots of mileage with the rotary action.

Mine is like my 2003 Kia Spectra: Manual, gets washed very often and thoroughly, can get alot of power relatively quickly, frequently gets pulled (over), has not needed any major maintenance and handles well. However, it is also very cheap, and never complimented .

My penis is like a Hummer H3. It's been toned down for civilian use and costs a couple grand for the adventure package.

My penis is like a hearse, big, black, and ridden by dead people.

My penis is like a '74 El Dorado. There's enough metal in it to make two other cars, and is attached to a guy constantly smoking a big cigar.

My penis is my '82 Prelude. Almost 23 years old, was in better shape before I knew how much fun it was to actually use it, complains when you stop moving, needs occassional attention, but gets the job done when asked.

My penis is like an ambulance, large and white, plus it only really gets going when someone loses conciousness.

My Vagina is like an ambulace. Nobody wants to ride it, those who do usually aren't able to judge and act properly for themselves, and special training is required to understand everything inside.

My penis is like an ice cream truck: Kids come running to lap up the creamy goodness that comes out of it.

My vagina is like a canoe adrift in the Achafalaya Basin; almost never used, and whoever finally does will be unpleasantly surprised by the scum and stink inside.

My penis is like an police car: makes a lot of noise and leaves other cars in its dust in terms of getting to the action, but once it gets to the action it either starts shooting off immediately or isn't entirely sure what to do at first.

My vagina is like a sleek cruise liner: beautiful, always a fun party, and frequently found in exotic parts of the globe, but nobody wants to ride it for more than a couple weeks.

My dick is like a Dodge Viper. It's wide, hangs pretty low, easy to get going pretty fast, and usually arrives at the destination in no time.

My penis is like my Buick Century. Primarily designed for old people, it is gold-colored and was purchased at auction cheaply. My penis was in an accident and had minor body work done before I got it - it still shows a few small dents.

Mine is like the 1990 Ford Probe I'm trying to get rid of. It was a fast ride at first, yet it's just no fun to drive anymore. It also smells a bit funny, but seems to go pretty far on a flat.

My penis is like an SUV. It has the occasional trouble staying upright.

My vagina is like a Porsche 911 Carrera: small, clean, and usually occupied by fast drivers.

My wang's like my bike. When I fell asleep at the park, a burly homeless man used it without my consent.

My penis is like a 90's Mustang Convertible. Not too big, but it's a lot of fun, especially when you retract the soft top. Also, Vanilla Ice liked to ride it.

My penis is like a fire truck. It's huge, red, and there's a dalmation along for the ride.

My penis is like a taxi cab. Yellow, driven by a foreigner, and it doesn't move unless you pay.

My vagina is like the Tardis, while it may appear small and inocent, the inside defies space and time. It has been ridden by countless doctors, and is desired by nerds the world over.

My penis is like Dale Earnhardt's car. When it slams, millions of girls cry.

That'll do it for this week's Goldmine. If you want more of these, there are four more pages of them in the forums thread. If you don't have an account yet, well, funnel your Twinkie money into getting an account already. See you next week!

– Nick "Mayor Wilkins" Dunn

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful