Twigand Berries

Data and Results

7.2cm erection.
124 dml.
No orgasm.

Petroleum Jelly:
9.7cm erection.
164 dml.
No orgasm.

Furry Animal:
4.5cm erection.
74 dml.
No orgasm.

Raw Hamburger:
10.1cm erection.
184 dml.
No orgasm.

Dirty Talk:
11.0cm erection.
194 dml.
No orgasm.

Woman's Shoes:
11.3cm erection.
199 dml.
No orgasm.

Internet Pornography:
10.8cm erection.
190 dml.
No orgasm.

Test Subject Wearing Woman's Shoes:
13.1cm erection.
237 dml.
No orgasm.


Early in the experiment, we deduced that if one only has access to a 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask, and nothing else, it would make a poor reproductive aid and vagina/asshole/mouth/hand replacement. Although use of Petroleum Jelly as a lubrication caused us to have more success, no orgasms were recorded in each and every experimental group. As the orgasm is largely the point of inserting your genitals in a hole, we, the experimenters, must conclude that a 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask is a poor choice to fuck. Although no glass was shattered during the experiment, our test subject continues to complain about some residual pains from the testing process. Although glass is smooth, it does chafe.

In regards to making love with a 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask more productive, the experimenters would recommend a 1000ml Erlenmeyer Flask for it may possibly have a larger hole. We would also recommend you visually stimulate yourself during the intercourse as the Flask does not produce much arousal in you itself.

To compare our testing groups, we found it quite interesting that a flaccid penis taken out of an unlubricated 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask is still larger than a flaccid penis taken out of a lubricated 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask being clutched by a stuffed Tarsier. Also, raw meat just smashes down and does not coat the penis in sticky goodness.

Finally, our experimenters hoped to supply you with a picture of our test subject with his penis inserted within the 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask and to have the Flask point up proudly..."No Hands" style. Alas, we found that, even lubricated, the test subject's penis would not enter the flask deep enough to support its glassy body, and gravity would inevitably take over. Due to the intense amounts of lubrication used...this would only cause the flask to drop to the floor (as, lubricated, an erect penis does freely enter and exit the Flask to some degree).

So, alas, we leave you with this picture. We promise the penis is indeed inside the 500ml Erlenmeyer Flask, but due to children possibly reading this lab report, we must black out the relevant proof. The Flask is supported by the test subject's hand for the above reasons.

and a special Thank You to Ms. Kay.



My hat's off to you, Twigand Berries.

I'll report back in on Monday.

do you know how hard it is to explain to a bakery on the phone that you need a cake that you can also wear as a hat

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