10 Ways To Please Your Man

Sorry if my update came dangerously close to a Dilbert comic strip today, but I just had to rant about the really mundane small talk I have to endure every day. I believe I'm the only front page writer that works in a corporate environment, since Lowtax and Zack are full time Internet personalities, Livestock breeds rabbits at home, and Corin, Jed, Frags, and that new Sunday guy are all homeless and milking the teat of honest American taxpayers like myself. It's not that bad, since I was promoted and have my underlings rub my feet everyday, but it's still an alien environment to me, and stifles my creativity. I wanted to be a horsey.

I just bought a new car. It's a Saturn, Ion 3, and I want to give a shout out to my dealer who helped me with my purchase, Darius R. Cotton. He was extremely polite, quick and helpful. A few days after I bought the car, he called me and asked me how I liked it. I told him it was great, and I'm saving a lot on gas because I used to own a huge SUV. We talked about the local sports teams and the weather. Yesterday I received a box filled with a large loaf of honey wheat bread and a package of oatmeal cookies, courtesy of Daruis R. Cotton. He has been a real treat to work with and the least I can do is show my appreciation for his dedication for making his customers feel like his best friend. I wrote a poem for him to describe how I feel.

Darius R. Cotton
Look how far we have gotten!
You sold me a new car
Without you I wouldn't have gotten very far
Such a deal, such a steal
Lets go out and hit the bar.

Darius R. Cotton
The other dealers are rotten
Compared to you
Your prices are true
I think I'm falling in love with you.

Darius R. Cotton
Nothing else rhymes with Cotton
Can’t you see that our love is true?
I'll cut myself for you
And rub your card on my balls
Why won't you return my calls?

I have no choice, I know what I must do
Darius R. Cotton, I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!

Thanks Darius, I really love the car!

The site Neo Monster Island is doing a set of comics on my update The Mothra Prophecies. I really like the series so far. Check it out dawg.

– Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz