Steve: You're geared up and heavily armed, ready to confront Timothy Shadow, but keep in mind Kurt is still at 30% on all skill checks including martial arts.
Zack: I'm guessing especially martial arts. You don't see too many junkies doing katas waiting for the methadone clinic to open.
Steve: Are you going to do anything about that?
Zack: Yeah, okay, you're pressuring me a lot but I guess we're going to have to rob a pharmacy.
Steve: Wait, what?
Zack: Yep. Kurt is going to be like, "It's the only way. I've been scoping out this Walgreens man, they get their Schedule II drugs late at night, so they should have some morphine. We go in there, get the drugs, and get out in a hurry."
Steve: E and Left Eye don't think this sounds like a very good idea.
Zack: "It'll be cool. I did this in Oregon when my plane got stranded in a snow storm. We just get some ski masks and run in there. The pharmacists are trained not to put up any sort of resistance."
Steve: Alright, you go and get some ski masks. The Walgreens is pretty busy.
Zack: E, you may have to wound one of them to let them know we're being serious. I'll hit the pharmacy. Left Eye, you're with me, you do the carrying. Let's do this!
Steve: You hustle out of your taxi cab, which is your getaway car, and run into the Walgreens. There is a woman buying maxipads at the register. An old man looking at jellybeans. A couple of kids playing with the toys. And a few people in line at the pharmacy.
Zack: E jumps up on the register and kicks over the candy. "Alllright! Empty your pockets, but do it slow! Take everything you got and lay it on the fuckin floor! Don't make me have to set an example today and blow one of you crazy motherfuckers away!"
Steve: They drop to the floor and start emptying their pockets. Left Eye needs to make a POW check.What's her POW?
Zack: 11. For what?
Steve: To see if she throws a molotov cocktail.
Zack: Why did she bring them inside?!?
Steve: Nobody told her not to!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.