In the previous installment of WTF, D&D!?, Steve took Zack on a wild adventure into the Hyborian Age with the Conan-themed D&D module, "Conan: Unchained!" Playing as Nestor the Gunderman, well-groomed friend of Conan, Zack found himself captured by kozaki nomads, fought to the death for their amusement, and agreed to help a disguised princess called Amrastisi escape from the kozaki harem out of fear of being caught by the wizard Bhir-Vedi. Like you, Nestor the Gunderman doesn't really know what the hell is going on in this adventure, but as we rejoin the action he is helping Amrastisi escape.
Steve: Alright, do you promise to play more serious this time?
Zack: Yes. Nestor, favored son of Gunt, promises to uphold the honor of his great nation. I will save Costco Ashtray from the evil wizard Barn Yeti.Steve: Amrastisi escaped from Bhir-Vedi across the Vilayet Sea, but she fears he has tracked her to the kozaki.
Zack: And the kozakis put my face peel made out of snake babies into a soup or something. My split end cream is on a sandwich. All of my product is gone. Nestor is getting frizzy.
Steve: Amrastisi frees you from your shackles and begins sneaking towards the horses.
Zack: Nestor don't sneak.
Steve: What are you doing?Zack: I am strutting to the horses. If anyone tries to stop me I impale them on my withering gaze of "JUST. DON'T. GO. THERE."
Steve: You and Amrastisi steal horses and escape into the desert.
Zack: How many miles to Gunt?
Steve: You are far from Gund. It is two days ride to the Vilayet sea. Three days to the nearest Tauranian outpost.
Zack: I ask Asti Spumante if she knows where the nearest Sally Beauty Supply is.Steve: "There is a trading post not very far from here. You may be able to purchase a circlet or a pelt there."
Zack: Just what Nestor needs, a headband and a stinky lizard skin to cover up his majestic mane.
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