When I originally received this email, my mind exploded with pure joy and elation. This potential business agreement, sent by a very upstanding and trustworthy fellow named "Amir Orni," thoroughly set itself apart from all the other spam in my inbox by confidently stating, "this is not a spam!" OH, so THAT'S how I tell it from all the other shady scams shoveled to me on an hourly basis! For all you folks working at legitimate corporations out there, take note: be sure to write "THIS IS NOT A SPAM!" somewhere in your opening paragraph or else people might mistake it for a spam. This has been your Internet Public Service Announcement of the day.

FROM: Amir
TO: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
SUBJECT: Something Awful Inc - business cooperation

For Something Awful Inc.

This massage refer to your site somethingawful.com

Hello and good day,

This is not a spam!

We are addressing you after reviewing deeply somethingawful.com profile and services.

We think that our company (details below) can provide you a complementary service that would feet your existing service perfectly, and beside the fact that it would be another source of profit for you, it also would be an added value service for your users. We operate a sms content web site that provides daily joke (divided to categories) via sms. We are willing to consider a varied business models.

Please let me know how I can contact you more thoroughly.

Live4ALL, our Company, is specializing in developing attractive content applications, in varied fields, built-in or by demand. Among Live4All clients you can find Comverse , Motorola, Microsoft, Orange, MSN, Cellcom and many more .

Please let me know how I can contact you more thoroughly.

Best regards,

Amir Orni


Oooh, first Amir Orni sends me a "massage" referring to my site, then he offers to "contact me more thoroughly!" Better not tell my wife about this spicy one! Regardless, it made me sad to see horrible comedy, like everything else in America, being outsourced to some third world country, God only knows where. I decided to respond back to Amir in his native tongue, "terrible broken English," and strike up a deal with him, hopefully one involving a lot of massages and thorough contact. It was my goal to make Amir understand we were kindred spirits, bonded by edgy comedy!

Oh, and if you're interested, head to their site to see some cutting edge comedy presented in equally cutting edge terrible broken English. I do admire their noble attempt though; "SMS FOR Y'ALL" is pretty much a common phrase in America. Then again, what do SMS example messages like this even mean?

Property: How to clean ink spots? and flak? Save time, save money, save the maid…

Example: if you spill fat on your clothes then dont wash them straight away. Rather, pour fairy liquid on it and leave to soak.

Huh?!? If I paid a couple bucks for that, I'd be pretty pissed off. Amir, you gotta try harder! That kind of content may fly with shady, less reputable companies like Microsoft and Motorola, but here at Something Awful we demand quality!

FROM: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
TO: Amir
SUBJECT: RE: Something Awful Inc - business cooperation


Thank you for message. I appreciate this not spam business contracts from you.

My question is as follows: you offer daily joke correct? I enjoy this joking, I'm quite a joking man. For example here is a joke I made:

QUESTION: What is found inside a rich man's truck convertible?
ANSWER: It's a million problems from white man's burden!

Haha no but seriously could you please send me examples of your daily joke. I would like to see how agreeable your joke is with our web-site. We have very discernable users from unwed mothers to leeches on society so very randy jokes would play into the devil's hands. Please send me some daily joke and I will be interested in making business sounds with you perhaps.

Thank you again!

R Kyanka
Something Awful Inc.

I wanted to prove to Amir that, much like he, I am too a merry-making humorist, and I vowed to keep going until he admitted how genuinely hilarious my jokes are. This is truly an agreeable business proposition! Let's see what Amir thinks.

More Pranks [Email]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful