Epilogue - I Am Illiterate and That's Why I Have a Radio and/or TV Show

The author: Daring Armstrong.Writing a book has been a dream of mine for years and I am glad that it has been finally realized. I have a lot of fans, apparently because the rest of America is as fucking unbelievably stupid as I am, but I've never felt satisfied. This is because I am illiterate and therefore limited to the realms of radio and TV where I can get by, with some difficulty, without knowing how to read or write. It's not that I'm dyslexic either; I am just that stupid and lazy. I'm also hateful towards people who have less/more than me for no good reason. I think it's based on ridiculous feelings of class inadequacy that has been created by those scumbag liberals/conservatives. But now that I have a highly-paid ghost writer I am able to get my thoughts out to those who are smarter than me and can do things like read and comprehend politics without resorting to venomous invective.

I would like to take a moment to thank those who have helped me with this book. First and foremost is Satan, who has given me the opportunity to sell him my soul in order to gain nation-wide popularity for my gas-bag opinions and inflammatory demagoguery. Thanks also go out to the Democrats/Republicans who have supported me all these years. Where they temper their extremist beliefs I never do, providing a shadow behind the party which the party itself can point to when in the public eye and say "see, we aren't as bad as this guy". Thanks also to my mother and father who gave birth to me despite the urgings of every single fortune-teller who advised them to have an immediate abortion. I may or may not support choice/baby-murders, but either way I'm glad that you two did not choose/baby-murder me.

Most of all I would like to thank the reader/listener/viewer for being so easily foiled into believing the words that spill out of my rotten head and mouth parts. Half the time I have no idea what the living fuck I'm saying and the other half of the time I'm lying just to see if you guys actually fall for it. And thanks, because you always do.

OR IS IT?!?!?!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful