BLOATCAT rolls over and crushes the ribcage of yet another victim. It's like a furry tick or something. I saw that thing once at the Patterson place when I invited myself in to borrow their jewelry and whatever they had in their safe. I nearly shit myself after turning on the lights and seeing BLOATCAT laying on their carpet with the Patterson family's body parts hanging from its mouth. I got the hell out of there and went to go call the cops but I ended up forgetting about it and decided to go to sleep in my driveway instead. When I woke up, my damn hat was missing too! This neighborhood is going down the shitter I tell you. Not like it was ever good to begin with.


Chunk-chested rodent molester Gary Hodges wheels out his daily breakfast basket of onion rings. Nice shorts there Gutmonster, I think I can hear the denim screaming in pain from all the way over here.

Captain Shithead fights crime from the luxury of his own livingroom. So far the only crime committed there has been felching furniture, and Captain Shithead happens to be the guilty party. Oh, he's now also the crippled party as well, since I caught him trying to hang out in my goddamn bushes after I warned him to stay the hell away or else I'd give him a fucking rectal examination with his own arm. You can see most of his body parts at the bottom of Lake Meatshores if you look closely.

If you're that hot broad on the left, give me a call so I can break into your trailer home and slip you the ol' Yablonski. If you're that ugly skulled skinbag on the right, give me a call so I can hunt you down and strategically rearrange your face with my weedwacker. That broad on the left is hot as all hell and if you don't agree with me then you obviously don't have a functioning set of balls.