I'm sure most of you have been bothered once or twice on AIM, ICQ, or MSN by some anonymous jerk trying to get you to follow a link to a porn website. For reasons unknown I have recently been getting a lot of these messages. Usually I have the good sense to ignore them, but a few nights ago I decided to joke around with one of them. Things didn't really pan out, they stopped replying after a few minutes and it wasn't really funny. Apparently it was noteworthy enough to get my ICQ number passed up the foodchain to some sort of porn spam supervisor. He/she was more than willing to talk at length about hot girl on girl action and so we did.
DebbieH: Hello Sir!
Zack: I've already heard the pitch
DebbieH: One of my HOT Girls (as in GIrls on Girls, hehehe) told me that you might be interested in our site!
Zack: Oh yes, I found it to be magical and I already signed up and signed my friend up.
DebbieH: Who is your friend???
Zack: Louis
DebbieH: Oh, So Louis likes Girls On Girls??
Zack: No, he hates them. But I think it will be pretty funny to say "hey Louis, look what I got you" and then he'll get really mad when he sees a girl lying on top of another girl.
DebbieH: Oh. Why doesn't he like girls on girls? Do you have any other friends who like girls on girls??
Zack: I'm not sure why he doesn't like girls on girls. I think it's because he is a holocaust survivor. He doesn't like it when people are lying on top of each other.
Zack: And yeah, I have LOTS of friends who do like girls on girls.
DebbieH: Oh, that's terrible!!
DebbieH: I mean about the Holocaust, not your friends. Could you tell your friends about our site????
Zack: Maybe, but what's in it for me?
DebbieH: Lots of SEXY! Girls on girls!
Zack: I don't know about that. It sounds suspicious.
DebbieH: Oh, how! Maybe if you told me why I could clarify it a little for ya!!
Zack: Well, are the girls willingly lying on top of each other or are they being forced to? And how SEXY are they? SEXY is pretty subjective.
DebbieH: OH, they enjoy it!!! They also get payed quite a lot of money
Zack: How much money? Could I get paid to lay on them?
DebbieH: They are VERY sexy!!! If you look VERY hard you wont find sexier girls!
Zack: I am willing to entertain offers.
DebbieH: I'm sorry we aren't looking for men right now!!!
Zack: How do you know I'm a man?
DebbieH: Excuse me for being presumptuous! Are you a man?
Zack: I don't feel like I should tell you if I am or not after your little deception has been discovered.
DebbieH: Oh, what deception!! I'm just trying to tell you about our HOT HOT HOT!! Girls on Girls!
Zack: Is it okay that I'm only 15? It seemed to let me sign up okay.
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About This Column
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.
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