Breeders

Hydrogen: Those were some embarrassing explosions. Especially because up until this point the movie had real explosions.

Trillaphon: And then the effects went to heaven and God slapped them away, whence they fell back down to Earth and became a Kevin Sorbo movie.

Hydrogen: You just know somebody was real proud of those CGI planets and lens flares. Nobody was proud of the Word ‘95-tier text, though. The only way it could look worse is if it was on poorly-animated fire.

Trillaphon: Shh, don’t give it ideas.

Hydrogen: Well, I think the only appropriate way to wrap this one up is to discuss our favorite gaping plot holes.

Trillaphon: My favorite plot hole would have to be the fact that John Danks: Detective is 100% positive that Professor Asslicker is behind all the missing people, but just in case there’s really an alien monster that came out of a meteor to devour co-eds, he went ahead and sent the entire police force in there with enough firepower to occupy the Czech Republic.

Hydrogen: Mine is definitely the fact that our supposed heroes end up gunning down a bunch of said co-eds, because they’re wearing alien meteor necklaces and “they’re dead already”. Except he just pulled the fucking necklace off of his romantic interest and she’s totally fine.

Trillaphon: Stop making me believe this movie might have a happy ending, i.e. him going to death row and everybody else celebrating and popping some bubbly.

Hydrogen: Whatever happens, that’s going to be how it end in my mind.

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)