Thank you for stopping by but our business is currently closed dUE TO THE PULSING RAGE FLoWING THROUGH OUR FUCKING BODIES!
We apologize for smashing everything up inside and cannot properLY EVEN LOOK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE FACE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING COMING TO GET YOUR HAIRCUT YOU SHOULD BE OUT IN THE STREETS THROWING MOLOTOV COCKTAILS!!
Bloodless cowards, CRAVEN PIGS DESERVING OF NOTHING LESS THAN PAINFUL SLAUGHTER! YOUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS, HARVESTED BY OUR HATRED! LAID LOW IN GORE-DRENCHED STREETS!!!
We appreciate all of our customers at the Hairplace and ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO RAISE THE STANDARD OF FIRE AND DEATH! THE SHACKLES ARE OFF OUR LIMBS! THE RAGE FILLS US WITH A SINGULAR PURPOSE! DESTROY! DESTROY ALL THINGS!
WE ARE OUT FOR ANGER! WE ARE OUT UNTIL WE SLAKE THIS PRIMAL THIRST! NO MORE HAIRCUTS! NO MORE LUBE JOBS! NO MORE ANYTHING BUT THE FIRE AND DEATH! FOR TOO LONG THE SEEDS OF THIS MOMENT HAVE BEEN SOWN IN OUR FLESH! NOW YOU COME INTO OUR STORE? NOW??? IT IS OVER!!!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.