Everything You Knew About Dinosaurs Was WRONG

Pictured: Dinosaurs in their natural habitat

Misconception: Dinosaurs Drove Cars

This is WRONG.

The cars were too tiny for them to fit into. Remember, dinosaurs were all bigger than skyscrapers! How the heck is an extra big skyscraper going to fit into an extra normal-sized car? No, not by turning on its side then coming in at just the right angle. The answer is it's not.

And so dinosaurs could not fit into the many cars, single-engine aircraft, canoes, and toll booths that littered the Dinosaur Period landscape.

Misconception: All Dinosaurs Were Bigger Than Skyscrapers

This is SUPER WRONG.

Some - but not all - dinosaurs were born as babies. While larger than cars, these dinosaurs were still smaller than skyscrapers.

Misconception: Dinosaurs Had Feathers

MEGA-WRONG.

Birds are everywhere. If dinosaurs were just birds it would be super disappointing because we already have plenty of those.

Dinosaurs were, in fact, snakes that dramatically pushed aside giant plants and yelled all the time.

Misconception: Dinosaurs Were All Killed Off By A Meteor

BZZZT. Oh by the way that bzzt meant you were WRONG AGAIN.

Okay, do you really believe this? Think about it. All those dinosaurs. A single meteor. What are the odds that every dinosaur in the world was standing on one spot at the EXACT time that a rock from outer space hit that exact same location?

The odds of that happening are incredibly low. They're almost as low as a person getting hit by lightning, or rolling a single die and getting a six.

What actually killed the dinosaurs was complicated.

Have you ever seen the first Resident Evil movie? There's a scene where a military guy gets locked in a hallway that turns out to be trapped. It's a laser room. The lasers come at him slowly one at a time and he avoids them. Then the lasers all turn on at once in a grid and he's like "Oh shit" because here comes an unavoidable wall of lasers and the lasers slice him into hundreds of cubes.

That's what happened to the dinosaurs.

Misconception: The Word "Dinosaur" Means "Terrible Lizard"

ULTRA-WRONG.

The word "dinosaur" is a combination of two words, "dino" (short for dinosaur) and "saursaursaur" (long for dinosaur).

Misconception: T-Rex Was The King Of The Dinosaurs

WRONG.

Dinosaurs had no king. Rather than establishing a traditional monarchy, they adopted a parliamentary republic with citizen-initiated referenda.

Misconception: Velociraptors Knew How To Open Doors By Turning Doorknobs

Believe it or not, this misconception is also WRONG

Doorknobs and locking mechanisms hadn't been invented yet in dinosaur times. When a velociraptor needed to get into a power generator facility or a server room, it simply pushed against the door to make it turn on its hinge.

Misconception: Dinosaurs Had Dinosaur Teeth

Thoroughly WRONG.

Dinosaurs didn't have big pointy teeth. Instead, they had gigantic human teeth that were nearly perfect cubes.

These teeth were completely flat and smooth on all sides, which prevented dinosaurs from puncturing and chewing. This is why most dinosaur murders were believed to have been committed via poisoned wine.

These teeth were pearly white. Even whiter than their universal albino skin.

Finally, every dinosaur kept its mouth open to display these teeth and their pink gums which protruded like overfilled garbage bags.

– Dennis Farrell (@DennisFarrell)