76. Gets the President on the phone and then makes him wait like a minute or two.

77. He invented the skateboard but he loathes skateboarders. It is the tortured irony of his existence.

78. He must insist you do not turn off that light switch, Ana, it turns off the power in this room and he has a game paused on the last boss right now.

79. (He sniffs the air) It wasn't me, Ana. It is never me. Do you understand?

80. Thinks it's pretty kinky when you spank someone. But you want to see real kinky? Wait until he shows you a vibrator.

81. This goes up your butt, Ana. It goes up your butt because I say it does. It's called a Lego brick.

82. Listen to me, Ana. If anyone comes in here asking who downloaded a torrent of Expendables 3 you tell them it was you.

83. He wants a woman to eat this bowl of cat food. Sexily.

84. Does your niece want the new Nintendo game? I have the power to get it for her on ebay.

85. Never does impressions. Okay, okay, this one time he'll do his Pacino.

86. Inside a desk drawer he has one of those glass orbs that shoot electricity at the side when you touch them.

87. Not caught up on any of the HBO shows. If there are spoilers, Ana, there will be consequences. Sex consequences.

88. Not sure about Australia and Austria being two different countries.

89. Takes expensive vacations to incredible places like haunted houses and ghost hunting expeditions and ghosts are real, Ana.

90. Second place is first loser. He points at a poster that says that.

91. He checks salads for anything weird after that one time he ate a frog. Not in a salad. The two are unrelated.

92. Haunted by a sex ghost. The only thing that can exorcise it is to do more sex moves.

93. "What's are these metal balls for?" asked Ana. "Oh, you're about to find out," replied Christian, opening the door to the Pachinko parlor.

94. Covers his body in whipped cream. "Alright now bring in the pancakes."

95. Eat the banana like a monkey would. Like a bad monkey.

96. We're going to watch Cosmos until you get it, Ana. Neil deGrasse Tyson is not "a jackoff."

97. Blink 182 was one of the bands that made me who I am. An intolerable prig.

98. He wants everyone to "hold it for a second" just to see if they will hold it.

99. Tax is theft, Ana. It's using the threat of force to take what we have earned. But they can't tax sex.

100. Christian is a nickname. His actual given name is Cookie.


There are additional shades, but they are too dark and sexy for the human eye to perceive.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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