Hello and happy autumn!! This is Grandma Carol Hart if you didn't know and welcome to my e-mail periodical. You are getting this because you are in my "Address Book" and because I Love You!


Let us welcome Jennifer to the family! She entered the gang through Ray on July 12 in a breezy outdoor ceremony. You may remember from last quarter's issue that I had said they were going to wed in the church, standing at the feet of God. As it turns out, a few of us old birds got together one night and figured the stuffy old church would be too formal. Also, around that same time, Chad came and told us that Jennifer has two babies from a previous man. Mulatto babies! Talk about a perfect occasion for an outdoor wedding! You can't hide your bundles of joy from us, little lady! We all wish you the best, Ray! And Jennifer!


Its that time of year. Time to start looking for presents for the youngins and the young at heart. The news on Planet Dylan is Hello 3 is the "Hot" video game to get this holiday sesaon. He says you're a master chief goes from Earth and flies through space. I've heard of Indian spirit quests, but I've never been on one. The whole game is based on the cool new Hello 3 Injun-- who looks a lot sharper than the old Hello Injuns. I should hope so. I wouldn't want just any old ruffian character if the kids are going to be tagging along on a video peyote adventure.


What is the best way to get a rude seagull from protecting your own car from you as if it were an enormous egg? Please email Gramma with ideas...


A disabled teen in a wheelchair looked up toward the stars one evening and pondered the life of a baby. "God," he asked the sky above him, "certainly I am smarter than a baby. I'm faster, stronger and have more value than any baby born today, so why have you bound me to this wheelchair?" The teen waited for an answer, but God did not reply.

The next night, the teen returned to gaze upon the heavens and beg once more. "God," he begged the stars, "why have you trapped me in this wheelchair? Millions of babies are born every day with perfectly good legs, and millions more are growing up and enjoying their functioning legs. Why must I suffer?" God did not reply.

On the third night, the teen returned again. This time, he was already crying as he began looking upon the majesty of creation. "God," he pleaded to the sky from the bottom of his heart, "why have you done this to me?! Why am I forever damned to be held prisoner in this humiliating wheeled contraption? Can't you allow me to at least go to the bathroom on my own? I beg of you!" God, again, did not reply.

Why didn't God reply? Because he lives in your HEART, not in the SKY. He is inside you, but the teen forgot this and began talking to the stars. He had filled his heart with worry and pain and thoughts and pushed God out of his body! The moral of the story: Nobody wants to put up with too much of your drama. Don't have a dark heart, because God has to live inside there!


This section is new. I am setting this up because I get a lot more feedback than I used to. If you have a question for me please let me know and I will add it next time around. -Gams

"i wanan get blunt to have with my baby girl. get at me. carlos {phone number omitted}

First, It's spelled C-A-R-O-L, and I don't know who you are or why you are on my newsletter. Are you one of Betty's kids? Let me be blunt with you, Blunt Daddy-- getting blunt with your child is a good first step toward making her into a responsible young woman. Now is when you should be telling her not to get pregnant or to have doodle relations if she can help it. Take care!


If you have time this evening, please donate some of your prayers to the following people. Thank you and good night!

Teresa, age 48 - Foot acting up
Leonard, age 65 - Has lottery ticket
Our men and women in Iraq - War
Brian, age 9 - Diabetes
Mark, age 30 - Has been missing left arm since 1995. Pray harder!

– Carol "Hartburn Editor" Hart (@fart)

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