In 2009 James Cameron transported audiences to another world where giant blue cat people lived in a magical tree and fought helicopters and Space Marines and had sex with their tails. Starting in 2018, he plans to begin releasing four more Avatar movies with a new movie coming every two years.
The one problem: Cameron barely remembers making Avatar.
From an Entertainment Weekly article, he confesses he doesn't remember what the blue aliens are called:
I don't know anymore. Nobby? Is that what it was? They're sort of like giant cats and they don't wear shirts so their tits are always out, but covered up. Really hot and beautiful. Somebody can look that up. It's not important. The point is, J.J. Abrams is a hack.
Cameron showed up on a science fiction podcast in 2015 and had this to say about the future of Avatar:
I worked out how one of these blue cat women could make a guy pregnant so the guy having a baby would be one whole movie, but I have to find the paper I wrote that down on. It's okay though, that was like movie number four. Or five maybe.
Some technical details have leaked as well, including Cameron's plan to use new camera technologies:
We are going to shoot the third Avatar movie completely under water using submarines and then we will digitally remove the water from the image. It's a new camera I developed.
People laughed about 3D cameras but remember 3D TVs? Those were a thing for a while. Nobody is laughing about 3D now. Because guess what is in 3D... the real world. Now who is the "nerd" engaged to marry a hologram of a catwoman?
From an interview earlier this year:
I've met all my wives working on movies and Avatar is no different. I am going to make one of these cat women real and marry her and she is going to make me pregnant. What are they called again? Nobby? Nami? Spell it, I can't tell what you're saying.
During a Reddit Ask Me Anything, Cameron admitted some of the production difficulties.
There's something called Gleep that is inside all of the cat people and it's how they transfer the psychic baby to a human male body. So it's created by two cat people, one of which is Jake Dolby or whatever his name is in his avatar body, but then they go back and put the baby into his human body in the wheelchair, which was saved from dying by Aziz Ansari. He was in that movie, right?
I've spent 16 months building a working human body, a man's body, and figured out how a baby can be inside him and gestate. And we have cameras inside the body. It's about 20 times larger than a real human body. The baby is actually a submarine and we can take it out and use it to film the underwater scenes.
If you think you know where he is going with his story, Cameron thinks you'd better expect the unexpected.
The next Avatar movie will not be what you're expecting. It's more of a cross between The Golden Child and The Thing, and it takes place completely aboard an oil rig where the cat people have sex a lot for robots. The robots get off on this stuff. It's not me, it's what the evil robots want.
As for the fifth Avatar...
Avatar 5? Two words: dinosaurs. We're doing it. We are doing real dinosaurs. We figured it out. And how a dinosaur could have sex with a human based on some things I saw on the internet. It's real. It happened back during those times. A guy used computers to prove it. And according to one image I've seen dinosaurs could even self suck, which is something I want to explore further but we haven't finished building the dinosaur.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful