This article is part of the Joe Biden Emails series.
From: Joe Biden
Date: Tue, Dec 27, 2011 at 3:15 AM
Subject: Here's what I need you to know
I trust your discretion. I know the Obama Campaign has been asking a lot lately. Believe me, we wouldn't ask if the stakes weren't so high.
Please help out by pitching in $15, care of me, Vice President Joe Biden. Your donation will go towards replacing the money I borrowed from our campaign to fund some of my recent activities.
Millions of Americans are counting on us to finish what we started. I know from traveling on the campaign trail that people are still hurting. Everywhere I go I meet folks fed up with the gridlock in Washington and the hardships of finding work and paying for health care.
About the only escape they have from the stress is watching a great TV program like The X-Files. I meet so many people who share my enthusiasm for the show that it's easy to forget we still have a lot of work ahead of us. Especially when you get to talking about an episode like 4x02, "Home," with someone like Jorge Pepper of Waukesha, Wisconsin. Jorge and I both agreed -- that was one episode that made you want to take a long shower after watching.
A lot of Americans -- maybe not millions -- are also counting on me to finish what I started when I made the commitment to watch every episode of The X-Files. I've come a heck of a long way since 2010, but I have several seasons and over a hundred episodes left to go. I promise to complete that task. Unfortunately, a lot of work and obligations take precedence.
You know, I've learned a lot from watching The X-Files. The lessons demonstrated by Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully -- and even Assistant Director Walter Skinner -- have been as entertaining as inspirational.
Being inspired means taking action. That's why I've put myself out in the field, on the front lines of paranormal research. This clandestine investigation has proven costly. Like Mulder, I learned that delivering proof of paranormal and extraterrestrial phenomena is easier said than done.
Especially with a Republican party eager to keep Americans in the dark, no doubt at the behest of any number of shadowy cabals.
I remain determined find proof. So here's what you need to know...
I am extremely close to capturing a Wendigo -- a supernatural beast that has hounded the Algonquin peoples for centuries -- roaming the Vermont countryside in search of its next victim. I haven't personally seen it, but I did carefully examine its leavings. I know it's out there and I'm certain I can catch it.
It's hard to put a price on undeniable proof, but your modest contribution of $15 will go a long way toward unraveling the mysteries of the universe.
Always watching the skies,
P.S. -- by donating, you're automatically entered for a chance to win dinner with Barack, Michelle and myself. I haven't been formally invited yet, so you may have to let me know when and where the dinner is taking place. If you could also refrain from mentioning this email to Barack, I would appreciate it.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Important emails from Vice-President Joe Biden letting you know what's happening in Washington, D.C. and the Obama Administration.
Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful