Yours Truly here with the whole lot of the latest breaking stories to hit your headline in the up to date hour. In this modern age of the transistor and computer the datas are moving so fast as to make confusion an epic struggle. Luckily I am in the wire with the information to bring towards you 24 in the 7.

Item of Interest: Rudos Terrors Cut Off Heads

Another gentleman is having the heads cut off in Iraq where the terrors are in such an uproar. Osama Ben Laden captured a South Korean robot fixer and then put him to the tests on the wrong side of a knife. There is defenselessness and the video is released onto the Internets and the sad story is seen by all. This sort of rudos behavior is making the blood boil not just in my hearts but in the hearts of many who see the bold spirit of Korea being attacked by terrors. South Korea declared attacks "not good" and the United Nations of America sent a letter to the terrors base in Saddy Arabia that "this is not the way to do business ladies". Terrors say that they are making to cut off heads to get America to quit the big Iraq job but then American President Bush says "think again buster".

Breaking Story: Explosions in Iraq Explosions! Maybe they are being here. Maybe not.Yours Truly is admitting that this is a guesstimate on this news item but it is being towards the truth that explosions happen at all of the times in Iraq. I am betting that when you are made to read this there will be an explosion right at that very moment blowing up some cars or army jeeps or police stations or something. Then this news is so up to the minutes that you are right on top of events! Witness on the scenes said to hear a "very loud bang" and then there was "debris everywhere" and things got "crazy". Then a whole bunch of American army men came and put the seals on the area to make sure terrors who might be hiding do not escape. Terrors release the statements saying bombs are proof the war is winning towards them and American President Bush is made to say that the bombs are proof the war is winning towards America. I believe the American President because what are the terrors ever doing for the Tijuana tourism economies? Not a lot I am telling you that much.

Entertaining News: Fahrenheits 911 Degrees Released

Angry French heavyweights Michael More is releasing a new movie to the theaters called "Farenheits 911 Degrees". Some are raving with the reviews others are more given to thrusting the thumbs downwards. Republicons are trying to get ads taken off the airs because they are saying the ads are negative campaigns advertising from the Demobots. Optimum Primes candidate John Kerry was said to say about the issues "I am still not picking my Vice President candidate, no more questions now I have the planes to catch". Michael More also had problems yesterday or the day before yesterday with Walt Disney. Walt Disney told Michael More that he doesn't like French movies and he is thinking the "Farenheits" is not orientated for the families. Other people said "what about the heads and swords in Killed Bill?" and yeah, what about "Killed Bill"? That was a notch at the top in my books. I liked when Omar Thermos chopped the Chinese lady's brain off. Then she put that other lady in the trunk and said "here is a note I want you to deliver to Bill before I kill him." But then it loses points, because the movie ends and Bill is still on the up and ups! What a let down! The movie is called "Killed Bill" so why is no one making to kill the Bill? I am seeing bills killed faster during the filibusters in Congress. Hahhahaha, no seriously. I also did not like the beeping when she says her name in the movie. It is too loud.

Politics Beats: Probing About Memos or Leaks

There were some more probes and the inquiries into memos and maybe a leak and I think secret documents. I am losing track of all of the secret memos and the things like that. I am thinking that maybe what Washington needs is the dry erase board with the markers. They could put it on the refrigerator in the break rooms and then when Rumsfelds or the Chainy needs to put a memo he can just put it up on the dry erase board. Then when the memo is made to be done he can just erase it and then there will be no inquiries. He can just say "I am sorry, it was on the dry erase boards and I was drunk at the times so I am not recalling so good". But then maybe crafty congressmen who doesn't like Rumsfelds will take pictures of the dry erase boards and leaks to the press and then is there the inquiry about that leak? I don't know. What inquiring minds want to knows is what inquiring minds want to know!

Here's Another Torture Picture!More of the tortures are being released.Another picture of the tortures in the Apple Grave prison has come to lights. It is mostly like the other pictures only the guy has blood on his chest instead of his arm or back. He also has the pixels around his personal area which I am not going to show on this computer book because it is for the families. This is causing the biggest of stirs as usual because some people in America say the terrors deserve the bags and the nudes and other people in America think it is the most rudos of things to be doing. I am not having the opinions because I am dealing with real tortures in the squares circled when the bells ring and the fights begins. Terrors are bad and so are the torture so maybe it cancels? I am not made to know.

Newest Spaceship Yet Launches to Space

Outer Spaceship One has been launched in towards orbit. It is being the newest and best spaceship so far with the astronaut technologies years ahead of the competitions. This is the first spaceship from a private person instead of the governments. The guy who made the spaceship said "Thanks for coming" and then the spaceship was taking to the skies on the back of a special jet plane. The jet plane is called a "helper" and it is lifting the small spaceship high into the sky because the spaceship is too small to have gasoline for the trips. God only knows when the spaceship will be returning but I wish all astronauts of all the nations well.

In Depth Coverages: New Neighbors Not So Good Neighbors

Mexican luchador wrestler sensation El Pinto Grande announces Friday that he is having the troubles with his newest neighbors Chemodyne Mercury Processing Facility. Yours Truly stated in a statement to gathered media at a huge press conference in his basement "I am appreciate affect that new neighbor is having on the economies but the affect it is having on my allergies is not so welcome. Too much smoke and so much with the mercuries that I can tell temperatures by looking at residues on windows. Turtle Rambo and Large Son also displeased." Turtle Rambo declined to comment because he is a member of the animal's kingdom. If Turtle Rambo is given to comment the press is gathering that he would be saying "I am agreeing with greatest wrestler in world and big hearted champion El Pinto Grande on the issues of the Chemodyne Mercury Processing Facility."

I am hoping this news is good news for you. I am meaning that you enjoyed and are informed by the headlines not that headlines are good because sometimes good news means reading bad news. So I am guessing the good news is that there is sometimes bad news but not at other times.

Photoshop Phriday 2: The Secret of the Ooze

Howdy gang, Livestock here with the conclusion to our Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle hijinks. Like last week, we're seeing what the world would be like if the turtles were not just real, but somehow everywhere. It's very deep and thought provking, as you might imagine. Heck, there is even a picture of a turtle going to the bathroom! But getting back the thought provoking aspects, here is a ninja turtle setting himself on fire:

Believe you me, that's just the start of a magical adventure you don't want to miss!

– El Pinto Grande

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful