This article is part of the Roamin' Dad series.
HELLO!!!!!! How have you been I am a tired terry lately and it is because i don't sleep very well. Part of it is from my current job as Pig Watcher and the other part is because i have bad dreams most of the time. I am trying a new series of solutions to this problem. the big one is to make sure the pigs go to bed early and don't stay awake until late in the night getting chased around by yours truly. It is hard to break that habit because it tuckers me out but i need to make sure the pig babes get to bed at a reasonable time. The other part of my dream is to talk about my regrets and maybe i will have less bad dreams about all the things i have done.
I know I am having the worst dreams imaginable because Crombo (baby pig) sleeps in my room with me and will wake up and nuzzle me and bite my arms until i wake up when i'm having a nightmare and if that doesn't work he will stand there and put his pig mouth right above my mouth and breathe into it and the stink wakes me up no problem. i am pretty sure he is waking me up with this but it's also possible he is trying to smell the food i ate last and see if i will lose my lunch in the night but that doesn't happen. "Thank You Crombo" I say as he goes back to his bed which used to be my bed. he probably wonders what i'm dreaming about but he can't understand me so i will tell you my dreams:
Old Job Dream
On this dream I am back at my old job and casually hanging around the water cooler with the boys chewing the news and a new employee comes in and she is a beautiful babe. She and i sit across from each other at the lunch table and it's just us and i take my lunch out of my briefcase / duffel bag and start eating it and she reaches into her jacket and takes out some food and eats it, then she takes off her wig and takes out her glass eye and then her other glass eye and then her tongue and then she takes her other arm off and i start to get weirded out so i run out of the room. This is around the time the pig wakes me up
I am on a football team and coach is making us do lots of drills out in the noonday sun and we are all sweating real hard, then coach gives us a big talk about how we can never give up and he comes out and starts doing the drills with us and running all up and down and around which makes us feel like better players and gives motivation / good encouragement. Then coach starts wheezing and getting really red so practice ends and later i see him in his coach office standing with each foot in a metal bucket and he his collecting his coach drippings (sweat, nutrients, etc) and he picks up one of the buckets and pounds it. I run back and tell the team and we all disband and run off and I get the feeling I am being chased (coach chase) through the neighborhood i grew up in. coach is powerful now, from the juice.Pig wake up
Neighbor rolls tomato under my garage door to get me to eat them. I don't want the tomato so i roll it back and he rolls it back but it gets bigger every time it comes back. then the neighbor starts screaming and i start screaming. This dream usually happens when the pigs are also screaming but when i wake up i never know if i was screaming first or if they were
Thank you for listening perhaps I will finally be able to sleep this evening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BYE
THE HANDSOMEST MAN IN TOWN!!!!!
– Dad (@fart)