SkyMall Product Reviews: Giant Male Silverback Gorilla Statue

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

The Design Toscano team is jumping up and down about our exclusive, a giant-sized, Silverback Gorilla statue, sculpted so realistically he could beat his chest right alongside his primate cousins in the dense jungles of Africa! Yet while those powerful apes might stun a lion with the swing of a paw, our muscular, show stopping, fully eight-foot-tall dynamo seems gigantic enough to knock over an entire building! Cast in sturdy fiberglass resin, this absolutely arresting, high-profile sculpture is such a magnetic draw that we've seen even the most fearful of visitors tamed into excitedly climbing his giant palm, posing and saying "cheese!"

Customer Review:
By TexasBart from Myrtle Beach, SC

Not quite what I had in mind, but it should do the trick.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Review:
By WorldsToughestDad from Bowling Green, KY

Without a doubt, the best $4,499.00 + $999 shipping I ever spent! My neighbor Ronald Gilford hates this thing, and guess what: I hate you, Ronald. Think you can tell my wife not to scream at your children and get away with it? Think you can ask me to keep my yard looking nice? FAT CHANCE.

I WILL NEVER BE AMENABLE TO YOUR REQUESTS, ASS!!!

Age: 46-50

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Customer Review:
By The Randman from Sandpoint, ID

I bought the male gorilla and inspected him top to bottom. Even flipped him over to see the underside. I can tell you with absolute authority they did not do their due diligence in terms of anatomy. Important orifices are missing, making this thing 100% non-functional. You can get much more realistic facsimiles with all the nooks and crannies available. I have written numerous letters so hopefully when they come out with a Giant Female Silverback Gorilla Statue we'll be able to get our money's worth.

Age: 51-55

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Customer Review:
By TurtlePainter from Knoxville, IA

A little overpriced, don't you think? Hopefully this goes on sale, because there's no way I can afford. Hey, SkyMall, you got the size right, now lower the price so us common folks can get a piece of the action!

Age: 26-30

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Customer Review:
By bonedog69 from Springfield, IL

Got the ape, not the girls. Guess they're still on the way? Understand why you wouldn't want to just stick them in a box with a giant gorilla statue. But I assume they'll be arriving soon, and maybe they can help me haul the gorilla to the dump. Don't have room for it in my studio apartment... but those girls... those cheerleading girls... can't wait for them to arrive.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Review:
By Natural1 from Pueblo, CO

Pros: Beautiful, realistic depiction of a gorilla.

Cons: A bit "distracting." Attracts gawking buffoons.

Very disappointed with the non-stop cavalcade of slack-jawed lookie-loos who can't seem to help themselves. I didn't put this in my yard for you to stare at, or pose your malcontent children on. I got this because it beautifully captures nature, and should be respected as such. I've had to throw a blue tarp over it just to keep the idiots at bay, lest they turn my yard into a muddy mess in their brain-dead quest to look at "big monkey." Morons, all of them.

Age: 56-60

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Customer Review:
By DanF150 from Nampa, ID

Mounted this bad boy in the back of my truck and let me tell you: people are going "ape" over it. Got a write-up in the local paper, and the police pull me over every day to chat me up about it. I can't go through drive-thrus anymore because of an accident, but other than that things I've achieved my dream of being of making a name for myself here, and I owe it all to SkyMail! Props!

Age: 26-30

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Customer Review:
By InflightMarge from Fort Walton Beach, FL

Disgusting. Who thought it was a good idea to make a nude sculpture with visible mammary glands? It's disgusting and offensive to women. I don't want my children exposed to that sort of depravity or thinking it's ok to view this sort of p***ography. My husband suggested putting a bra on the ape, but that doesn't solve any problems since you can't just walk around in public in a bra without being a s**ual deviant. We had to follow another reviewers advice and cover the whole thing with a tarp until we figure out a better solution. Very angry. Very Concerned. Very unhappy. Very disappointed.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Rating:
By SkyMalcolm from Warrenvillie, IL

I had no idea what I was getting with this one, since I am part of the SkyMall control group. I have no knowledge of what I am ordering, otherwise it wouldn't be scientific. This item is a large gorilla statue of somewhat exaggerated proportions, which you may find an improvement or a detriment depending on your preferences. My preferences? Not relevant to the study.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By LastLivingSpinDoctorsFan from Wumpus, MO

Where does a 300-pound gorilla sit? On its side in the garage. Piece of junk. Doesn't do what it's supposed to do at all: attract cheerleaders.

Age: 46-50

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)