We answer these burning hot fan questions in this countdown!
Hubba hubba! With thighs like those we imagine Chun Li will not get very tired helping you up and down the stairs and in and out of tubs. Her can-do attitude will be useful to you when it comes time to use the bathroom. She watches your eating and makes sure you aren't losing weight. That sort of positivity will be the perfect way to get up and face the day, although of course she will sleep in a different room since it is too expensive to buy a double or queen size hospital bed. You will want her checking your vitals! Yowsa!
This new character is the deadliest poison maker in Shadaloo. His hands are covered in poison and poison is just another word for medicine. F.A.N.G. will float through your house, flopping his giant sleeves everywhere and bringing your pill organizer so you know when to take each pill. F.A.N.G. is M. Bison's right hand man, so he knows about attention to detail. He will always have those pills organized, he will notice symptoms of new health issues before you do, and he will keep you on a tight schedule of wellness care. That sort of attention is going to be what keeps you alive. But if things are too painful to go on, F.A.N.G. has that poison to fall back on.
Blanka knows about suffering. After crashing in the Amazon and being turned into a green-skinned, electrified beast by electric eels, Blanka created a new life for himself in the jungle. But when he returned to the modern world he had to adapt. He had to wear shorts and bite less. This same ability to adapt will come in handy for you as you face a world that is increasingly strange and hostile. In addition to be a ripped up hunk capable of throwing you into your shower chair from across the house, Blanka also excretes jolts of electricity, making him a walking defibrillator.
Introduced as a playable character in Street Fighter Alpha EX, this wire frame fight drone would be the perfect companion for your final days on earth. His electric body can provide endless hours of visual stimulation and he will not complain about the messes you made when you had another one of your "episodes." While it may seem unpleasant to look at this inhuman visage every day and think it will be the last thing you say as your lights finally dim and fade out, the reality is disassociating from the larger world and your own humanity will help ease you through the process of dying. Thank you Cycloid!
Skeleton-themed hero Skullomania is here to save your day. He's a walking, talking, fighting memento mori with a positive attitude and boundless energy. You will look death in the face every time you sit across from Skullomania at the breakfast table eating your halved grapefruit or piece of toast. Sure, it may seem grim, but having Skullomania around will ensure that you associate the rictus of death with every positive moment in your life. By the time you're looking at the real Grim Reaper, you will be ready to give him a hug!
A few weeks ago I made some jokes at the expense of my decrepit PC. Last Monday a karma-shaped bolt of lightning struck the side of my house and blasted that computer to smithereens.
Join my petition to force Nintendo to FIX Tifa's breasts in the FF7 Remake!!
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