Something about the sound of other human voices causes you to instantly lose control of your bowels.
You permanently lose all sensation in your genitals.
You gain heightened sensation in your genitals, but it is a sensation of unrelenting grief and despair.
Whenever you talk, live shrimp begin crawling out of your mouth.
Whenever you talk, you speak as an unparalleled expert on Japanese animation, but you have absolutely no idea what you are saying and can never truly enjoy or take pride in your wisdom.
You get $50,000, but you have to spend two years eating only cottage cheese and ketchup packets.
You get $50,000, but you have to spend one year wearing sweatpants and you have a boner the entire time.
You are convinced that you are in a musical and sing everything, even though you have the voice of a young boy going through puberty arguing about Transformers on Ventrillo.
The entire world thinks that you are a rapist, though you suffer no legal repercussions.
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Bitter Were the Fluids of J.F. Swanton
- With Extreme Prejudice
- The Wolf Returns to Assault Your Questions
- Clash Of The Made-For-TV Movies
- Google Future - The Oil Apocalypse
