| What do you feel should be done about illegal immigration? | |
 Dawn CatwandPrayer Bus Volunteer | "Do they know how to tile bathrooms? A certain somebody has six boxes of Finding Nemo tiles she bought on eBay!" |
 Sgt. J.J. PillockU.S. Army | "There was this movie called like 'Spaceship Troopers' I think it was. Anyway, it was like this perfect society where mankind was fighting against aliens and to be a citizen you had to be in the space army. So just let all those guys be soldiers for a couple years. Tough luck for the broads and kids though." |
 Rhett RacecarMILF Hunter | "That's easy as hell, man. Just start having 'America: Ladies Night' and it'll take care of itself! Haha, dudes pay some outrageous cover to get in and babes get in free." |
 Brian MultitoastHemp Advocate | "The more the merrier, I say. Elian Garza used to bring me pound bricks of Mauwie Wauwie he drove across the border taped inside the gas tank of his Corolla. Then Los Federales busted him and it's nothing but skunk and the occasional Northern Lights from some trailer park hydro outfit." |
 Jeineane FizzMarketing | "I am just absolutely in love with mojitos right now! It's this Mexican drink with limes and cane sugar and I think it's gin. Really amazing drink. You've got to pace yourself though, they creep up on you. A few months ago I drank five and woke up next to this guy that looked like Sammy Sosa with a Santa Claus beard. Yick! That was my second abortion." |
 Rudy GiulianiImmigrant | "You put down 'immigrant' as my profession, so I guess that makes me the expert. Welp, I say let them all marry gays and be astronauts. Return Vermont to Aztlan! Prick." |
| What would you like to see in a national health care system? | |
| Dawn Catwand Prayer Bus Volunteer | "More faith-based hospitals." |
| Sgt. J.J. Pillock U.S. Army | "It's called redistribution of wealth and it's theft. When I had both legs blown off by an IED I was proud to pay for the prosthetics out of my own pockets. Well, my pockets were blown off too, but the hospital put me on a payment plan. Should have these bad boys taken care of by 2065." |
| Rhett Racecar MILF Hunter | "Hahaha, most of my opinions on the subject come from my favorite health care related movie: Latex Nurses in Heat. The next time I get a sore throat I want to see a nurse wearing a gas mask and a latex bodysuit hooked up to an air compressor." |
| Brian Multitoast Hemp Advocate | "Do I really need to say it?" |
| Jeineane Fizz Marketing | "I want more Jewish doctors that are open-minded to dating protestants. Dental and cosmetic surgeons preferred." |
| Rudy Giuliani Immigrant | "I love filling out forms while I'm bleeding out of my eyes. How can we get a system that lets me fill out more forms?" |
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
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