At a glance: Where's Waldo? is not so much a game as a complete error of common sense, so I'm not even going to review it. This isn't just laziness talking; the whole thing was basically "Hey, let's just reproduce the book exactly on a television screen, except now you have to scroll around and the pictures are blurry and awful and don't resemble dick!!" Instead of a review, I'm turning this weakness into a strength. Do you remember how awesome all of the antics of the Waldo gang were when you were a kid? They engaged all kinds of wacky, zany, pee-your-pants-laughing-mom-can-I-have-another-book-or-I-won't-love-you tomfoolery! But with the magic of shitty graphics, the folks in Where's Waldo?NES could be doing anything.
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System, 1990.
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And seeing as I spent my middle school career tracing Son Goku over and over again, I figured I could give some wacky interpretations a whirl! You motherfuckers like pictures, right? Today's your lucky day!

Inappropriate puppet show advertising!

Radioactive Abstinence-Only Justice League!

The Joy of Motherhood!

A hipster turtle attempting to impress an African-American streaker with his hip-hop knowledge!
Anorexia affects 5%-10% of all pandas and is no laughing matter.
Thanks, Waldo!


– Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl

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About This Column

The Rom Pit is dedicated to reviewing the most bizarre and screwed up classic console games from the 1980's, the ones that made you wonder what kind of illegal substances the programmers were smoking when they worked on them. Strangely enough, the same illegal substances are often necessary to enjoy or make sense of most of these titles. No horrible Nintendo game is safe from the justice of the ROM Pit.

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