Flames From Review of Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones

Starting the inevitable close-up on page three comes Eddie Smith, a person with possibly the most generic name in the history of the universe. "Hey Eddie Smith, this is John Doe! Want to grab a popular namebrand consumer product and head to the ACME Palette store?" Then the entire palette store would explode because it was inhabited by evil aliens who got blown up by Space Marines. Who were in orbit. Floating. In space.

From: Eddie Smith
Subject: Ep II-Review

THIS EMAIL IS DIRECTED TO WHOM EVER DID THE EPISODE II REVIEW AT www.somethingawful.com/truthmedia/starwars2

I DONT THINK YOU SAW THIS FILM.

YOU SAY ALOT OF THINGS THAT SOUND VERY IGNORANT, AND SLANDEROUS. YOU SAY THINGS THAT ANYONE WHO SAW THE TRAILERS AND WHO DIDN'T LIKE THE PHANTOM MENACE COULD HAVE SAID. I DON'T THINK THAT TPM IS A GOOD FILM TECHNICALLY BUT LOOKING AT IT THE WAY A KID WOULD, IT'S JUST FUN ENTERTAINMENT. SO RELAX.

NATALIE PORTMAN IS A GOOD ACTRESS

I DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE NATALIE PORTMAN INSULT. FIRST OF ALL SHE STARTED ACTING AS A KID AND WAS PRACTICALLY STILL A KID WHEN THEY FILMED "LEON-THE PROFESSIONAL," IN WHICH SHE WAS VERY GOOD IN AS WELL AS "HEAT." THESE ARE JUST TWO HIGH PROFILE FILMS SHE'S BEEN IN. IF SHE WAS THAT BAD I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THOSE ROLES. JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE HER DOESN'T DISCREDIT LUC BESSON, MICHEAL MANN, AND YES EVEN GEORGE LUCAS FOR PUTTING HER IN THEIR MOVIES. BY THE WAY WHAT FILMS HAVE YOU DIRECTED.

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE A FILM MAKER EITHER.

A REAL FILM MAKER WOULD BE TOO BUSY MAKING FILMS, TO SIT ONLINE AND SLANDER OTHER PEOPLES WORK AND MAKE SEXISTS JOKES ABOUT AN ACTRESS' BUST SIZE. THAT WAS WRONG OF YOU TO SAY THAT ABOUT HER.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE SAID THAT SHIT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER. STOP SAYING DISRESPECTFUL SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEN TURN AROUND AND TRY TO SOUND RIGHTEOUS BY ACCUSING STARWARS OF BEING RACIST AND ADVOCATING CHILD/ ADULT SEX. BOTH ACCUSATIONS ARE PREPOSTUOUS.

FIRST OF ALL WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT REAL RACISM- YOUR PROBABLY A WHITE MIDDLE CLASS DO-GOODER WHO NEVER SAW AN OUNCE OF RASISM COME YOUR WAY. AS A BLACK MALE I DON'T FIND JAR JAR A RACIST ELEMENT. HE'S JUST A VERY BAD UNNECESSARY CHARACATURE. GEORGE LUCAS WAS JUST OUT OF TOUCH WITH WHAT PEOPLE IN THIS CASE DON'T LIKE IN FUNNY CHARACTERS.

SECOND- ANAKIN AND PADME ONLY HAD A 4-5 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE. FUCKIN' RELAX WHEN I WAS 19-20 I DATED CHICKS 2-5 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. PLENTY OF GUYS DID THAT AND STILL DO. THAT'S NOTHING UNUSUAL AND NOTHING COMPARED TO A TEACHER IN HER THIRTEES HAVING SEX WITH A TEENAGE STUDENT. YOU FUCKIN' DO-GOODER! STOP TALKIN LIKE A FUCKIN' PURITAN AND TURN AROUND AND DISRESPECT A YOUNG ACTRESS BY MAKING FUN OF HER BUST SIZE.

YOU SAID THAT BOBA FETT AND JANGO FETT ARE BACK AS BOUNTY HUNTERS

NOW I KNOW YOUR FULL OF SHIT, AND DIDN'T SEE THE FILM. FIRST OFF, JANGO FETT IS A NEW CHARACTER, SO HE CAN'T BE "BACK." AND BOBA FETT IS A CHILD IN EP II, NOT A BOUNTY HUNTER. YOUR BASING THAT OFF OF EMPIRE STRIKES BACK- WHICH YOU DID SEE, OR DID YOU EVEN SEE THAT. ( I DOUBT IT 'CAUSE YOU EVEN NEGATIVELY CRITICIZED THAT FILM WHICH WAS THE BEST OF THE SAGA. YOU SAID IT HAD BAD PACING. WHAT THE FOO-FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A CREDITED ACCOMPLISHED FILM-INDUSTRY INSIDER NON FAT FANBOY FILMMAKER WITH HIGH ACCLAIM AND FILMS OUT THERE ON THE SHELVES IN VIDEO STORES AND THEATERS. SCHOOL ALL OF US NON-THINKERS. YOU FUCKIN' HACK. I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO SLANDER OTHER PEOPLES WORK AND NEVER PRODUCE ANYTHING OF THEIR OWN BUT CALL THEMSELVES EXPERTS.)

YOU SAID THAT LUCASARTS SHOULD HAVE USED A MORE EXPERIENCED SPECIAL EFFECTS STUDIO, AND THAT THE EFFECTS WEREN'T AS GOOD AS LOTR.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE A DEGENERATE "I AM SAM," FILM EXTRA. IF YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT SPECIAL EFFECTS WHICH YOU MOST LIKELY DON'T, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT ILM IS THE STUDIO THAT LUCASFILM LIMITED- NOT LUCAS ARTS WHO MAKE GAMES YOU FUCKIN TARD- BUT LUCASFILM USES ILM WHO INVENTED MODERN SPECIAL EFFECTS. SO AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW. NOTHING. I LIKED LOTR, BUT THAT FILM HAD EFFECTS FLAWS IN IT AS WELL, ALL FILMS DO NO MATTER WHO MAKES THEM.

YOU SAID THAT YOUR A FORMER SCIENCE MAJOR AND THAT STAR TREKS VISION WAS MORE REALISTIC THAN STARWARS.

AND YOUR POINT IS- BITCH?

FIRST THING, STAR WARS IS FANTASY. SAY IT WITH ME: FANN- TASS-SEEE. YOU SPECIAL OLYMPIAN YOU.

STAR TREK HAD PLENTY OF ACENINE THEORIES IN IT BUT SO WHAT. ITS SCI-FI.

2001 WAS TRUE SCI-FI AND WAS MORE OF AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT YOU LABELED STAR TREK TO BE. GET A FUCKIN' GIRLFRIEND. (EVEN IF YOU MIGHT BE A WOMAN)

AND AS FAR AS BEING A FORMER SCIENCE MAJOR, THERE IS NO SUCH THING. EITHER YOU MAJORED IN SCIENCE, AND GRADUATED AS A SCIENCE MAJOR, GIVEN THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A SCIENCE MAJOR, OR YOU ARE A FORMER SCIENCE MAJOR 'CAUSE YOU FUCKIN' DROPPED OUT. FUCKIN' LACKEY.

TO CLOSE: YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS MOVIE AND YOU KNOW IT. IF YOU WERE TRULY AN INSIDER YOU WOULDN'T LEAK THIS INFORMATION, CAUSE IF YOU DID LUCASFILM- NOT LUCAS ARTS WOULD HAVE YOUR ASS ON A HOTPLATE WITH GREENS NEXT TO IT. YOU ARE NOT A FILM MAKER, FILM INSIDER , OR ANYTHING OF ANY CREDIBILITY, YOU'RE JUST SIMPLY THAT, A FAT FANBOY.

GET A GIRLFRIEND, AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU MAY BE A WOMAN.

Oooh, that Eddie and his crazy liberal dating policies! What a card! Let's put a lid on this mamma jamma with the following deep and insightful comments from astute reader "Brad Taylor," a guy who must be so smart that he's in MENSA or the Safeway Card Club or something.

From: Brad Taylor
Subject: review

you guys are fucking dumbasses. got it you small dicked little asshole eating bitches. it isn't that hard to tell that your star wars review was fake because you didn't know shit about the movie. uhhh yeah "it was all love story and lttile action" and then a little later in the review "it had no plot because it was all action." you guys have got to be the stupidest fucker asses i've ever seen. are you guys just a bunch of fucking faggets who can't get no women so you get off to watching people get mad when you make bad reviews that aren't even real. go fuck your dad in the ass you liitle faggots and eat my dogs ass while your at it.

I can't speak for the other guys here, but I know I personally am a "fucking fagget" that "can't get no women" because I am currently "eating your dog's ass." I'll ask Kevin if he's a "fucking fagget" but I doubt he'll respond because he's the laziest man in all of Los Angeles and he's currently gathering moss on his head.

UPDATE: Kevin claims he's not a "fucking fagget," but I think he was lying. If you saw his face before, you'd know what I'm talking about.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: Kevin is mad.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: Kevin went to bed.

Well that's all for today, but keep your eyes peeled for more fun flamefest with your favorite "fucking faggets" this side of the Pecos, whichever side that may be! Real Reviews for Real People! Go team! USA #1 USA #1!

- TruthMedia Editor