pork4kids

pork4kids, submitted by a childhood fascination with meat. It's sites like these that truly make me question the sanity of people. While I'm no fancy pants Upton Sinclair exposing the horrors of the meat industry, I do have to wonder what train of thought successfully led to the creation of this website without derailing and killing hundreds. It's pork, damn it. You either eat it or you don't. Nowhere in that equation is there a need to give pork a hip, fresh, multi-racial face that kids can appreciate and relate to. It's meat. Meat is a known commodity that has established itself well in our world. Furthermore, meat is in no danger of every going away, making it unnecessary to try to court young, gullible audiences.

After you shed away the ridiculousness of this thing, you're left with a poorly designed site with a habit of launching links in popup windows while dragging your main window to a 404 slaughterhouse. Aside from that it has plenty of information, like what a hog farm is like. While it omits the part where the pigs are slaughtered and sent to hog heaven – also known as your digestive system – it does give you a good idea of the wonderful and noble lives these little porky martyrs live out on your behalf.

You can entertain yourself playing stupid games here if you want, but please don't forsake the great tomes of knowledge waiting for you. Pork4Kids features a variety of educational activities for teachers to use in place of useful knowledge. It is absolutely vital kids today know how to eat pork properly, otherwise we have no future. Seriously, any teacher deranged enough to use these "teaching materials" deserves to be sent over Niagra Falls. In a coffin filled with starving rats.

IT IS MEAT. THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)