Kara Testers in THE NEVER ENDING PIGEON SAGA, submitted by Crackhead Jonez. Having been exposed to the Internet's black heart and the black heart within the Internet's black heart, I've become a very cynical man. Even when I see the Internet's worst, I often wonder if it's really real or just some elaborate prank. This site is one that makes me question whether there are truly people this wretched in the world (which there are), or if this site is some form of obnoxious marketing gimmick for a book aimed at whatever the special ed equivalent of a hedonist is. Not only is this site dedicated to a dumb whore, it also promotes a book about the very same dumb whore we discussed in the earliest part of this sentence. It's got awful nude pictures, a listing of guys she's had sex with, and instant messenger chat logs because those are always awesome.
Here's an example of her talking about guys she's invited into the grotto she calls her vagina:
The Guys at the China Buffet- Babes thanx for all the free food especially wen mah dad lost his job and had to be the provider and work for mah family. I enjoyed havin' that huge orgy in the kitchen. And what made it sooo good was that people were still in the resterant. I will never forget u all 'n itz nice to know that if I need a free meal I can get one in exchange 4 sum luvin’ and I’m lyke the hawtezt gurl u guys could ever get! :-)
If that's not astounding to you then you are probably more brain dead than me. This hurts my head to think about. If it's real or not, it's still one of the most painfully idiotic things I've seen in quite awhile. Here's a taste of her diary, which, by the way, just gave you herpes:
November 30th: I woke up feeling realli horny today so i called up my friend Vince whom i havent talked to in a year and said listen i know its short notice but im gonna be real with you im horny. he clicked the phone and was literally here in 3 mins. and he lives lyke 10 mins away. tawk about service. well then we started havin sex on my kitchen counter and of course in my dads gfs room. So then mah dads gf came home unexpecting or whatever and joined in too. it was soooo much fun. well vince was so late for work and just called me and said that he thanked me for the wonderful time and hasnt stopped thinking about and he wants to know what im doing later... in mah head im lyke oh no hes way to obsessive of me. so i told him id call him back. ugh im nawt though. i went food shopping and didnt get any sex. then i went tanning and the manager was there and he gave me coupons so i gave him a nice hand job as a thank u. then i came home and now im gunna take a nap alone :-( Maybe i'll call vince later. idk.
My lack of faith in humanity is making it hard for me to tell if this is a gimmick or a truly retarded human being, so I'm going to kindly ask the AIDS virus to sort this all out in due time.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.