Back in 2004, Ben "Greasnin" Platt wrote that Carstuckgirls caters to "the single dumbest fetish in the world." Revisiting Carstuckgirls now, the befuddlement about its erotic value remains undiminished. Pedal-pumping and engine-flooding might be metaphorically sexual, but typically porn consumers prefer more literal depictions. I brainstormed about possible customers for this site's DVDs and downloads, and I came up with these suspects:

  • Sleazy tow-truck drivers who fantasize that their next client might be a desperate adult-film star.
  • Earthy sorts who celebrate rainstorms by frolicking nakedly and molding vaginas from fresh mud.
  • Avid car-fuckers who must mentally erase the superfluous women from each shot.
  • Chivalrous princes who relax after valiant labors by masturbating to damsel-saving scenarios.
  • Greasnin's original explanations: People who are so sexually repressed that they place the buxom harlots they secretly desire into unarousingly mundane settings, and people who are just fucking insane. Actually, the latter probably works as an all-encompassing umbrella category.

I'm retiring Carstuckgirls (and its companion sites and from Awful Link consideration for another five years, after which we can once again marvel at its inexplicable continued existence.

A woman in a Carstuckgirls shirt gets mired in mud. Oh, the irony!

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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