r/Childfree

r/Childfree is a place where bitter childfree (which is not the same thing as being childless, thank you very much) Reddit users can complain about all the baby pictures they're forced to look at on Facebook and unruly moppets they come across in real life. You can get a feel for these folks by looking at their flair, Reddit's version of obnoxious bumper stickers:

The natural enemies of the childfree are "Mombies," "Daddicts," and their wretched crotchspawn, which you can refer to as "snowflakes," "sneauxflakes," "sneauhxflayhkes,"or "sneåuxflæïyckes," depending on how irritating you want to be. The community's not terribly fond of children, to put it lightly - the moderators had to tell people that if they wanted to post screenshots of kids from The Sims being violently maimed, they'd have to go elsewhere.

Members often brag about the benefits of living childfree, like having more money, getting to travel, going out at night, and not being murdered by your own offspring. Sounds fantastic, right? Yet apparently they're also one of the most ostracized groups in modern society, on par with atheists (!):

The thought came to my mind the other day when I was telling my boyfriend that I think being childfree by choice is the new atheism. As in, you're an outcast of society and people think there's something horribly wrong with you. You're constantly berated with personal, intrusive questions, and people can not genuinely understand how someone doesn't want kids (or not believe in a higher power).

The persecution they face manifests itself in various ways, including:

• Getting "bingoed." This is a highly overused word they coined for the litany of questions breeders ask them about why they haven't had children yet. There's so many you could make a bingo card out of them, get it?? To a normal person, this might seem like "harmless small talk," but to the childfree this is a small form of oppression. Luckily, bingos can be easily dispatched with cold, relentless logic.
• Not being welcomed to a Star Wars event intended for children. Fine, whatever, I didn't want to color a stupid picture of Yoda, anyway.
• Getting asked to babysit once in a while. Here's an insane screed where someone compares a family member asking an uncle to watch their kids to abuse.
  
• Fictional TV characters getting pregnant. Et tu, Bones?!?
• The inherent discrimination of maternity leave. Breeders get a special vacation just for squeezing human life out of an orifice, and childfree people get bupkis. How is that fair? Luckily, the same guy who ranted about those abusive babysitting requests is on the case, and he discovered it should actually be illegal! I await the Supreme Court's verdict.
• Getting downvoted by Mombies, which to many Redditors is possibly the most heinous crime imaginable. Heck, just visiting r/Childfree is enough to earn you Mombie wrath in real life, somehow.

In the face of such marginalization, it's important to stay strong and keep shooting down bingos. Remember, you can never be too young, too virginal or too single to commit to a childfree future!

Thanks to Lord Beef for the above screenshot and for the phrase "Redditors not reproducing"!

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)