Norinco's world class innovations in manufacturing efficiency and materials durability have allowed the company to provide the impoverished peoples of Africa with more than 100,000,000 Type 56 rifles.

Amazon.com has employed advanced content filtering technology to halve the likelihood that you might accidentally see the cover of a book about homosexuals.

Pfizer's staunch protection of pharmaceutical patents for Covexa (Loritaine-Hydroxil) have helped the Democratic Republic of the Congo dramatically reduce its carbon footprint.

Advanced Micro Devices has been a staunch supporter in China of women's rights and children's rights to assemble microprocessors for export to Europe and America.

Deutsche Bank is exploring a number of exciting micro-lending opportunities that will help connect eager entrepreneurs in the developing world with high-interest advances on their next paycheck.


Xe's private military operations now guarantee to limit their use of live ammunition on civilian targets to gatherings of greater than 100 people.

Nike maintains a strict 2% maximum threshold for human blood content in the rubber of this year's Air Jordan line.


American Apparel's vertically integrated manufacturing structure allows the sexual harassment of it's workers to be much more clearly visible then other clothing lines.


American Apparel CEO Dov Charney (in deposition tape): I frequently drop my pants to show people my new product.

Fink: Did you ever, at work, refer to women as "sluts"?

Charney: In private conversations, where such language was generally welcome.

Fink: Do you view "slut" to be a derogatory term?

Charney: You know, there are some of us that love sluts. You know, it's not necessarily-it could be also be an endearing term.

Fink: An endearing term. Is that something you call your mother?

Charney: No. But it's maybe something that you call your lover.

Fink: He recalled you wearing a sock on your penis while Ms. Nelson was in your home is that correct?

Charney: The product is called a [bleep] sock.

Jack Gladney

Union Carbide has been engaged in a high-profile event to reduce overpopulation in India.


Northrop Grumman has facilitated productive information exchange between the Pentagon and its afiliated organizations, suborganizations, and contractors and the news media, allowing for the dissemination of critical data and ideas to the American public.


Virgin Media are helping consumers get to the best websites faster by having the free market decide bandwidth allocation.


Increases in customer product defaults have necessitated a partnership between Walmart and Active Denial Systems, GmbH of Hamburg. WalMart is proud to announce the trial deployment to 15 stores of the ADS, GmbH Schwerpunkt Interdictor nonlethal active theft deterrent system.

This system will allow security personnel to discourage targeted shoplifters with painful, but non-lethal, bursts of high-frequency radiation and gradual lower body paralysis that is mostly reversible.


Du Pont has agreed to stop trying a fascist coup of the government.


Maersk Line shipping is committed to providing the hardworking children of Alang, India's shipbreaking facility with a steady supply of collapsing, arsenic-filled freighters.

WellPoint insurance company is confronting rising healthcare premiums in America boldy and directly by hiring 400 new surgical actuaries.

Viacom has successfully commandeered all North American counterculture and repurposed it to productive consumerism targeted for high-yield youth demographics.

Only Pizza Hut has stepped up and addressed the Panormity of the hunger crisis in America with the Panormous Pan Pizza, the BIGGEST pan pizza ever from Pizza Hut, with over 40% more pizza than Pizza Hut's classic pan pizza

– Stanley Shill

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful