Zack: Here is the real Cyborg Commando.
Steve: I'm not reading all that!
Zack: I don't blame you. There's no reason to read all of it. The Campaign Book provides page after page of completely pointless population statistics along with methods for converting towns and cities that aren't listed to 2035 and then adjusting for the xenoborg apocalypse. They have maps that literally show every Cyborg Commando base, yet the book contains scant details on what a Cyborg Commando base actually is.Steve: You're supposed to create that yourself dude. Jeez, do you want Gary to do all your Cyborg Mastering work for you?
Zack: I don't really need a formula to convert the last census population of Fort Wayne, Indiana to 2035 post-xenoborg levels.
Steve: If you don't care about details and realism then that's your business.
Zack: In the example they have a complex multiplier and then arbitrarily cut their own number in half because a town is rural. Why? Why do I need to know any of that? How is multiplying any better than just picking some number for the town?
Steve: Your players would feel the lack of realism when you said some round number like 10,000.
Steve: "Uh, yeah, exactly 10,000? Do you mean like 9,783?" Maybe they're doing a census as a side mission. You create the reality with authentic details like that.
Zack: The reality inhabited by hairy bugs the size of buses that are fighting sexless cyborg commandos shooting finger beams?
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.