Star Wars D20 Original Adventure: The Empire's Bogus Merch (Part 1 of 2)

Zack: Do you have any skill for operating a ship's weapons?

Steve: Does simple weapon proficiency do it?

Zack: No.

Steve: Then no.

Zack: Alright, Blurg mashes a series of buttons and hits every flashing light he can find on the console. The ship ejects its waste, fires a series of sensor probes in random directions, vents most of its atmosphere, and fires a torpedo into Tatooine.

Steve: Do any of the probes detect how much ass we just kicked?

Zack: Yes. They all correctly detect zero ass kicked. The other ship approaches. It is too small to pull you into a bay, but it attaches you to its underbelly like a piglet having a meal from its mom.

Steve: Now we have them right where we want them. I am going to fire another torpedo and try to aim it at their ship.

Zack: As you reach for the button you feel as if you're being choked. You can't breathe at all. You look over and see Ruth is holding her hand like a claw and staring intensely at you.

Steve: Help...me...Ruth. Must...be...sith...on...enemy ship.

Zack: "I'm choking you, idiot. Ugh." She relaxes her grip and you feel your throat loosen. "I should have let Jabba have you as a slave."

Steve: "I don't think he would have wanted me after he turned down that first Trandoshan."